Kellogg s Pop Tarts

Price Paid:  $150.00 at EconoFoods

Favorite Ride:
Highway 95

Bike Setup:
2000 Modified Beull XK9R Firebolt, Full on racing gear sucka.

Summary:
PopTarts, ah... where do i begin. You see it all started when i was born. Then when i was 6 i had poptarts, Poptarts rule. I truly believed poptarts couldnt get any better, what with thier mobility, different flavors to sensualise the pallet, and an overall oven-baked goodness, They came out with S'mores!!! THESE @%@#!! ROCK!!!

Strengths:
Overall oven-baked goodness. High Energy.

Weaknesses:
Crumble in pockets,can make for a mess, but they're still good.

Similar Products Used:
Ridalin

Price Paid:  $4.00 at God obviously sent t

Favorite Ride:
The yellow brick road

Bike Setup:
trust no one

Summary:
Poptarts have their origns in ancient rome where they were know among ancient romans and some rambling germanic tribes as ambrosia. As we move through out history we see more instances of this sacred pastry appear. The debates of transubstantion that raged during the middle ages are evidence of this("Blood of Christ" or merely "gooey cherry filling"). It wasn't until the founding of the kellogg's corporation in the late 19th century that these life essentials were introduced to the public. They were, of course, an instant success. Now bearing the name poptart and teamed with other mythical giants, including count chocula and tony the tiger, these little rectangular pastries are making their stand in a losing battle that could decide the fate of breakfast forever.

Strengths:
Speed is the poptarts greats defense against the siege laid by toaster strudels and other insurgents who wish to unseat them from their thrown.

Weaknesses:
Package hard to open while driving, this could be their downfall.

Similar Products Used:
accept no imitations

Price Paid:  $2.00 at Research Grant

Favorite Ride:
Eiger Nordwand

Bike Setup:
34 surplus Eastern Bloc ergometers networked with Macintosh II computers.

Summary:
In our Sports Science facility at Fidazhofen Polytechnic we have been studying the ergogenic viability of the Pop tart for 3 years now on world-class road racers. It is proving to be quite promising as the data continues to accumulate. We find that while most athletes consider them delicious, especially when fresh out of the toaster, for maximum benefit they should be consumed intravenously.

Strengths:
Glycolytic index of greater than 3.3 milimoles/kg/min. after 30 minutes in test subjects riding at 85% VO2 max.

Gastric emptying unaffected by increased lipid index up to test limit. Frosted Cinnamon variety particularly tasty.

Weaknesses:
Will catch on fire if it gets stuck in toaster.

Similar Products Used:
Mostly proprietary formulations of modified glucolytes and branched-chain amino acids, various enzyme lattices, glycerol rehydration plasmas.