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Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
LEMERDE, FRANCE (July 7): Five-time Tour de France champion Bernard Hinault is in custody this evening after he captured and then ate a political protester seeking to disrupt the podium ceremony at the end of yesterday’s 208 km stage between Saint-Malo and Nantes. Mr. Hinault, who has a history of attacking protestors during the Tour de France, leapt like a tiger from the stage during the trophy presentation and, sinking his teeth into the nape of his victim’s neck, subdued his prey after a brief struggle. With his lifeless victim firmly clamped between his jaws, Mr. Hinault disappeared to a shady spot beneath the stage where he then proceeded to noisily devour the protestor.

The victim, identified as Marcel Poulet age 28, from Marseilles, reportedly tasted like “chicken.”

Outbreaks of cannibalism during the three-week long Tour de France, previously a rare occurrence, have become more common in recent years. Once thought to be an extreme and relatively isolated manifestation of the base competitive urges experienced by all athletes, police now believe that the spate of homicides at the Tour is linked to the recent crackdown on illegal blood “doping” products in the aftermath of Operation Puerto. Rather than rely upon an illicit distribution system that is increasingly subject to interdiction by international law enforcement, professional cyclists are turning to a more direct “source” for performance enhancers such as human growth hormone, testosterone, and red blood cells - unsuspecting fans.

“It’s a helluva lot cheaper – and safer too – for a cyclist to knock off and eat a few fans than it is to rely on a shady chemist or doctor for testosterone or other stuff,” says former pro cycling soigneur Bertrand Squane. “You’ll never get caught, especially during the Tour. It’s a madhouse out on the road and, of course, the Tour organizers look the other way when these things….ummm….happen. Knocking down a fat Belgian or German is the best – score one of those and you can keep the whole peloton going for a couple of days. Everyone is in on it. And I do mean everyone. I was in the team car when Vinokourov stopped and ate a family of Dutch fans rooting for Michael Boogard on Alpe d’Huez. [Floyd] Landis used to keep horrible things in his jersey pockets…..just horrible things. And Lance… I don’t want to talk about it.”

Asked about yesterday’s incident involving Hinault, Mr. Squane commented that during his career as a professional cycist “Bernard [Hinault] had a fearsome reputation in the peloton. I think that you can you can now understand why. Old habits die hard.”
 

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Call me a Fred
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That article is all wrong. Merckx was the cannibal, not Hinault!
 

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Call me a Fred
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The Badger tackled the protester, but the Cannibal ate him.
 

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Not Banned
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49,249 Posts
when Hinault was racing

as Tour Patron the peloton came up to protestors blocking the road
as most of the peloton slow, Bernard started sprinting
he rode headlong, at-speed into the group
and started swinging
he still shows the same disdain.
"yeah, yeah you have a right to protest, just not where it interferes with my job and MY race"

Hinault deserves a medal
 
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