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donuts?
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Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
stuff, junk, clutter, crap, it's everywhere and it's killing me. my wife has a disease and i have no idea how to get her the help she needs. she is addicted to coupons. she will buy things, not because we need them, but because she has a coupon for it. she shops at Goodwill and buys crazy amounts of clothes and toys for the kids.

our oldest outgrew a box of clothes in his closet - he never wore them, but she forget they were in there. she bought them 3 or 4 years before he would be that size. this carries over to the kitchen, she buys 10 boxes of cereal and then has to leave them in the middle of the floor because there is no place to put them. our bedroom has a mound of clothes in the middle of it that she keeps adding to. i can't shave because i can't get to the sink in our bathroom.

i am guilty of having clutter, i have a billion interests, but my mess is mostly confined to my office. her clothes and jewelry and lotions, and makeup, and books are everywhere, constantly.

i'm ready to light a match and burn our house down, just to be rid of this mess. when i was on my own in an apartment, i kept after things, but now, i don't have the energy to deal with this, i never want to be home because it's not a place where i can relax. that is sad.
 

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I has it too...

I wanna just put an ad on C-list and tell people that I have free stuff, come and get it. The only problem is that some of it could probably be sold and I like money, just hate trying to be patient while it is listed on ebay or c-list.
 

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Fini les ecrase-"manets"!
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mccurdy21 said:
I has it too...

I wanna just put an ad on C-list and tell people that I have free stuff, come and get it. The only problem is that some of it could probably be sold and I like money, just hate trying to be patient while it is listed on ebay or c-list.
From out here in the cheap seats it sounds like you want the stuff more than the money, or that you secretly realize the stuff isn't actually worth anything. Otherwise you'd be selling stuff already.

To make sure the money thing isn't just an excuse to avoid getting rid of your precious, precious stuff, choose just one item you think is of about average value and C-list it for free. See if you can actually do it. You might learn some things about yourself that you can't learn any other way.
 

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Fini les ecrase-"manets"!
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Well, ascii, I really hope that your wife doesn't actually have a hoarding issue. That's pretty hard to deal with, even professionally, as I understand it.

Some of her behaviors can also be side effects of depression. Compulsive buying, unwillingness/inability to deal with tidying, etc. So it might actually be something that's fairly well understood like depression.

I think it's probably really hard to get someone else help. No matter what type of counseling it is, it'll only work if the person is ready to receive it, and you can't force that to happen. One thing that really helped me was seeing someone I knew and respected getting the help he needed. Knowing I wasn't the only person who needed some help was huge for me. If you're feeling at all out of control emotionally (and it seems like you're struggling a bit of late), you might help your wife most by getting a little help yourself. It won't hurt you in any case, and might be the example she needs or wants.

That's my $0.02, anyway.
 

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Captain Obvious
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asciibaron said:
i'm ready to light a match and burn our house down, just to be rid of this mess. .
i have said this about my house.
 

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Still On Steel
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bikeboy389 said:
That's my $0.02, anyway.
More like a buck ninety-five. I have neither expertise nor experience in these matters but everything I've ever heard or read agrees with what you said.

ascii, I have nothing to offer beyond kind thoughts and a hope you can get this resolved. Now and then I run across those TV shows about hoarders and I always sit there and watch with a mixture of open-mouthed amazement and sadness ... the former because I cannot conceive of things ever getting that far out of hand, the latter because that is no way for a human being to live. Get your missus some help, somehow, somewhere, especially if her behavior seems to be getting worse.
 

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donuts?
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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
i just came down hard on the 9 year old - he leaves clothes and legos all over the house. he is old enough to pick up after himself. i filled another recycling bin with his junk.
 

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I've decided to secretly throw things away as they pile up. John is already selling off some of my stuff, and I'm coping pretty well.

First thing I packed up for the move was his books. He already got rid of a bunch before moving in, but still has all kinds left that he'll never crack open again. I gave only one away, and told him if he can guess which one, I'll go buy it back from the thrift store. At first, he was really irritated; but he's decided to try guessing.

His friends and family love to buy him meaningless, goofy gifts, and he seems to feel too guilty to get rid of them. I don't. We can't let the new house suffer!

We both watch the "hoarder" shows and I think we're managing. Mrs. Ascii sounds like she could use some help. Can the coupons be stopped? How about the credit cards?
 

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Gronk SMASH!
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bikeboy389 said:
Well, ascii, I really hope that your wife doesn't actually have a hoarding issue. That's pretty hard to deal with, even professionally, as I understand it.

Some of her behaviors can also be side effects of depression. Compulsive buying, unwillingness/inability to deal with tidying, etc. So it might actually be something that's fairly well understood like depression.

I think it's probably really hard to get someone else help. No matter what type of counseling it is, it'll only work if the person is ready to receive it, and you can't force that to happen. One thing that really helped me was seeing someone I knew and respected getting the help he needed. Knowing I wasn't the only person who needed some help was huge for me. If you're feeling at all out of control emotionally (and it seems like you're struggling a bit of late), you might help your wife most by getting a little help yourself. It won't hurt you in any case, and might be the example she needs or wants.

That's my $0.02, anyway.
+1 brazillion. Your tale sounds like my worst nightmare, Ascii. Good luck to both of you.
 

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Good news everyone!
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Send the wife out of town and have a garage sale while she's gone. Whatever doesn't sell gets tossed in the trash or taken (back) to Goodwill.
 

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Banned
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I'm sorry. My wife is OCD, so I know what it's like to be dragged into someone else's nightmare. Nothing like someone vacuuming with an attitude under your chair while you're still on your first piece of pizza.
 

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donuts?
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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
i played a few cards from my hand - now the living room is clutter free. amazing.
 

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Frog Whisperer
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My older sister is a REAL hoarder.........their house is just plain scary, there are literally little paths to walk on , the rest of the space if filled with stacks and piles of stuff....she is getting professional help but it really is NOT doing much good....
 

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Call me a Fred
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The only thing that I seem to be hoarding is cardboard boxes. I've got quite a few empty ones in the basement. I keep thinking that I'll need some boxes some day and I want to be prepared. I don't know what size I'll need, so I keep all sizes.
 

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Call me a Fred
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I can't believe that I didn't have to wait 30 seconds to do a double post
 
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