<sarcastic musing>
I say we alter the olympics, and cycle racing in general, to better reflect the reality of the world we live in, and do so in the spirit of that great sage of the ages, George Carlin.
Add macho F-stick idiots in SUVs to the race course, letting pairs of them go in 5 or 10 minute intervals.
We make them wait at stop lights which are strategically placed along the route, some of which will be perfectly timed for driving convenience, to get the driver into a suitable emotional place to be able to react properly to a red light which stops him for 5 solid minutes, after he's been cruising merrily along for a while. And make sure that the cyclists swarm past him.
All motorized vehicles must apply the horn with a work ethic that makes illegal migrant farm workers look unionized.
Give each driver a cell phone, and a list of calls and text messages to make. Periodically, each driver will be called, or text messaged, to relay critical information such as movie times, which he will have to choose from, and respond with his or her preference, or random commentary about how cool it is to eat green M&M's, all of which (s)he'll have to remember.
Each driver will be given 1 (one) bag of fast food, including some very messy cheeseburgers with a million toppings, which must be consumed, while driving, in a clean and orderly fashion, on a pre-designated winding road, while driving stick-shift.
Give each driver a specific appointed time by which he or she must arrive... which will be impossible to stick to if the this driver follows the rules of the road, and obeys the red lights. Said driver's paycheck will be lessened by xx dollars for every minute (s)he's late.
Give each male driver enough steroids to make him crankier than my stepmother on PCP, and then make sure that the car stereo only plays music that used to be cool, and is now simply annoying. Make sure the radio announcer is dumber than Howard Stern.
Each female driver is to be given crushing news about their mother's state of health, their boyfriend's real sexual preference (for her sister, mother, best friend, brother, father, pet...?) or something of equal import, and let them know that they might receive a phone call about this while on the road. They will also be given a full makeup kit, and points will be awarded or deducted based on their ability to get dolled up while driving. Side note, for male-viewed oriented TV networks and men's magazines, Liz Hatch is be followed by Danica Patrick. That should make for good Paparazzi.
Each driver is to be given a 64 oz travel mug of coffee, but time constraints and lack of signage indicating availability of rest stops will ensure that any attempted rest stops will be either unsuccessful, or stressful.
If we make all of the above considerations into accepted guidelines for international cycle races, then I'd say that the average driver will have little or no problem in treating cyclists like they're olympic athletes, and they might even be able to help out with training.
