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Shirtcocker
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60,639 Posts
Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
I recently picked a new primary care doctor. After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing "fairly well" for my age. A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, "Do you think I'll live to be 80?"


He asked, "Do you smoke tobacco, or excessively drink beer or wine?" "Oh no," I replied. "I'm not doing drugs, either." <o></o>

Then he asked, "Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?" I said, "No, my former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!" <o></o>

"Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?" "No, I don't," I said.

He asked, "Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?"
"No," I said. "I don't do any of those things."

He looked at me and said, "Then, why do you give a sh*t?"<o>:p</o>
 

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212 Posts
oldie but goodie - so a pirate walks into a bar, and the bartender cant help but notice there's a ship's wheel stuck down his trousers.

so of course the bartender has to say, uh dude, you know you got a steering wheel stuck down your trousers?

and the pirate replies...

...


....


....



ARRRR! it's drivin' me nuts!!


yea I know everyone's heard it but I still laugh till I snort when I hear someone tell this. ok yes I'm pathetic.
 

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Scary Teddy Bear
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14,791 Posts
Five

lousylegs said:
the squirrels are laughing at you, you moreon.:p

Five physicians decide to go duck hunting, a Surgeon, a Pathologist, a Family Practitioner, an Internist, and a Psychiatrist. The call goes up, and the first guy, the family practitioner fires, a duck drops from the sky, the FP says..."I think that's a duck, but I'm not sure, I'd like a second opinion".....now the second guy the internist gets up, the call is sounded, and he fires, another duck drops from the sky.....he says, "I think that's a duck, but I've heard about a rare australian goose that can look just like a duck, so I'm not sure"....at this point, the surgeon is beginning to pace and curse to himself.....The third guy, the Psychiatrist gets up, and the call goes out, down goes a duck.....the psych guy says..."I know that's a duck, but does it know it's a duck"...By now the surgeon is screaming for his gun.....the call is let out, and he fires about 50 rounds into the air, there is mayhem, duck carcasses strewn across the landscape, and the surgeon turns angrily to the pathologist and says, "NOW go out there and tell me what the F*CK I just killed".....



HAHA...I love that joke...
 

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Why do you always take 2 Baptists fishing with you?

Cause if you only take one, he will drink all your beer, but if you take 2, neither one will touch it.
 

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Martini time?
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206 Posts
A guy goes in to see the psychiatrist naked except he's wrapped in Saran Wrap.

Psychiatrist says,"Well I can clearly see your nuts."
 

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Banned
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A woman was very distraught at the fact that she had not had a date or any sex in quite some time. She was afraid she might have something wrong with her, so she decided to seek the medical expertise of a sex therapist. Her doctor recommended that she see a well-known Chinese sex therapist, so she went to see him. Upon entering the examination room, Dr. Chang said, "OK, take off all you crose."

The woman did as she was told.

"Now, get down and craw reery, reery fass to odder side of room."

Again, the woman did as she was instructed.

Dr. Chang then said, "OK, now craw reery, reery fass back to me."

So she did.

Dr. Chang shook his head slowly and said, "Your probrem vewy bad. You haf Ed Zachary Disease. Worse case I ever see. Dat why you not haf sex or dates."

Worried, the woman asked anxiously, "Oh my God, Dr. Chang, what is Ed Zachary Disease?"

Dr. Chang looked the woman in the eye and replied, "Ed Zachary Disease is when your face rook Ed Zachary rike your ass.
 

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Home Brew User!
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2,810 Posts
Little Rascals Spelling Bee

The little rascals had a spelling bee and it came down to Alfalfa and Buckwheat.

The teacher ask Alfalfa to Spell "Dictate"

Alfalfa thinks a while a says

D I C T I....

At which point the teacher cuts him off and tells him he is wrong.

She then looks to Buckwheat and says that if he can correctly complete it he will be the winner.

Without hesitation Buckwheat says

D I C T A T E

The teachers tells him he is correct but he must use it in a sentence.


BuckWheat replies


"Darla says Buckwheat Dictate GOOOOD!
 
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