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Call me a Fred
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16,999 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
This may come as a shock, but the Bible doesn't lie.

http://www.godhatesfigs.com/

  • JESUS REBUKED THE FIG AS AN EVIL ABOMINATION.
    • "Now in the morning as he returned into the city, he was hungry.
      "And when he saw a fig tree by the road, he came to it, and found nothing on it, but leaves only, and said to it, Let no fruit grow on you henceforward for ever. And presently the fig tree withered away.
      "And when the disciples saw it, they marvelled, saying, How soon has the fig tree withered away!"

      --Matthew 21:18-20
  • JESUS COMMANDED US NOT TO EAT OF THE CURSED FIG.
    • "The next day, when they came from Bethany, he was hungry:
      "And seeing a fig tree afar off having leaves, he came, if perhaps he might find any thing on it: and when he came to it, he found nothing but leaves; for the time of figs was not yet.
      "And Jesus answered and said to it, No man eat fruit of you hereafter forever. And his disciples heard it.
      --Mark 11:12-14
  • EAT A FIG, GO TO HELL.
    • "He destroyed their vines with hail and their sycamore-figs with sleet."
      --Psalm 78:47
  • GOD PROMISES TERRIBLE VENGEANCE FOR FIG-EATERS.
    • "Yes, this is what the LORD Almighty says: "I will send the sword, famine and plague against them and I will make them like poor figs that are so bad they cannot be eaten."
      --Jeremiah 29:17
 

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Resident Dutchbag
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11,864 Posts
Typical. Self proclaimed nice guy is hungry, wants figs NOW, tree says: all in due season, bearded buddy and then he goes and curses the plant even though His Very Own Father hath ordaineth that the tree beareth fruit in a specific season. Religion. :rolleyes:
 

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Game on, b*tches!
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13,467 Posts
But, but, but, it's in the BIble, so it HAS to be true! (Just like I saw in on the internet, so it HAS to be true!)
 

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Resident Dutchbag
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11,864 Posts
Kram59 said:
But, but, but, it's in the BIble, so it HAS to be true! (Just like I saw in on the internet, so it HAS to be true!)
Hell, the Holy Book has a story of two chicks living in some neck of the woods where they can't find a man, so they get their daddy nice and lickered and they shag and have babies. If it's in the book and the Lord doeth not wreak His Wrath upon them, it's perfectly tolerable behavior, no?
 

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Zeppelin/Ultegra Rider
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930 Posts
rogger said:
Hell, the Holy Book has a story of two chicks living in some neck of the woods where they can't find a man, so they get their daddy nice and lickered and they shag and have babies. If it's in the book and the Lord doeth not wreak His Wrath upon them, it's perfectly tolerable behavior, no?
Well yeah, but that was in the "South of the Mason-Dixon Testament"
 

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here comes trouble
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10,045 Posts
What's with the proselytizing and the subsequent vehemence?

And also, don't make fun of southerners. We're better than you. :p
 

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my legs hurt
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