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My wife, and more affectionally named "She-who-must-be-obeyed," has decreed that, given her precarious pregnancy (nothing precarious about it as far as I see it), I am to take over the cooking.

This worked well for her for the first few days. She picked the menu, shopped for the ingredients, and told me how to prepare the food. As any good b-tchy wife would do, she complained about the taste and texture of each meal with vim and vigor, reminding me how I could have done better.

Well, yesterday, she met her match. We ran out of ingredients. She was not in the mood to go to the store, and I could not as I had taken some medication that warns against driving, operating heavy machinery (as a blender heavy?), etc. So, I told her I would make sandwiches. Great, said she, apparently convinced I could not f--k THAT up.

Foolish mortal. Before I tell you what I made, rest assured I have been paroled from the kitchen indefinitely.

I love spicy foofs, and I love cheese. So I grated several slices of pepperjack, mozerella, American, Swiss and Smoked Gouda. I slatehered a small pan in olive oil and placed the cheese inside to melt Into this soupy cheesey mixture, I mixed my favorite habanero hot sauce that I buy every fall in Valley Center. After the cheese was ready, a poored it on to four slices of bread. The cheese cooled into a harder gelatenous mess, and onto that, I added genoa salami, pitted kalemata olives, peppercinis (diced, of course) grilled onions, and grilled bell pepper slices.

I ate mine in two bites. LOVED it. My wif took one bite, spit in on her plate, and went to her room. Later, when I was in the bathroom learning why we say hi ho with hot foods, she came in to tell me that my kitchen duties were over. A succesful night, if you ask me.
 

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Scary Teddy Bear
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Dam*

morrison said:
My wife, and more affectionally named "She-who-must-be-obeyed," has decreed that, given her precarious pregnancy (nothing precarious about it as far as I see it), I am to take over the cooking.

This worked well for her for the first few days. She picked the menu, shopped for the ingredients, and told me how to prepare the food. As any good b-tchy wife would do, she complained about the taste and texture of each meal with vim and vigor, reminding me how I could have done better.

Well, yesterday, she met her match. We ran out of ingredients. She was not in the mood to go to the store, and I could not as I had taken some medication that warns against driving, operating heavy machinery (as a blender heavy?), etc. So, I told her I would make sandwiches. Great, said she, apparently convinced I could not f--k THAT up.

Foolish mortal. Before I tell you what I made, rest assured I have been paroled from the kitchen indefinitely.

I love spicy foofs, and I love cheese. So I grated several slices of pepperjack, mozerella, American, Swiss and Smoked Gouda. I slatehered a small pan in olive oil and placed the cheese inside to melt Into this soupy cheesey mixture, I mixed my favorite habanero hot sauce that I buy every fall in Valley Center. After the cheese was ready, a poored it on to four slices of bread. The cheese cooled into a harder gelatenous mess, and onto that, I added genoa salami, pitted kalemata olives, peppercinis (diced, of course) grilled onions, and grilled bell pepper slices.

I ate mine in two bites. LOVED it. My wif took one bite, spit in on her plate, and went to her room. Later, when I was in the bathroom learning why we say hi ho with hot foods, she came in to tell me that my kitchen duties were over. A succesful night, if you ask me.

You are the man......I gotta figure out how do f somethin up too. When is your baby due?
 

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Discussion Starter #3
physasst said:
You are the man......I gotta figure out how do f somethin up too. When is your baby due?
We don't know . . . she remembers a period before thanksgiving, and then sort of forgot about them until late january. The doctor says she's either due in Aug or Sept. (Real precise there, sawbones. Thanks!) I don know this, she is far enough along for us to get our CVS test, so I think she has to be at least 12 weeks?

We're trying not to think about it too much until we're sure that there are only 46 chromosomes.
 

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Sticky Valentine
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morrison said:
My wife, and more affectionally named "She-who-must-be-obeyed," has decreed that, given her precarious pregnancy (nothing precarious about it as far as I see it), I am to take over the cooking.

This worked well for her for the first few days. She picked the menu, shopped for the ingredients, and told me how to prepare the food. As any good b-tchy wife would do, she complained about the taste and texture of each meal with vim and vigor, reminding me how I could have done better.

Well, yesterday, she met her match. We ran out of ingredients. She was not in the mood to go to the store, and I could not as I had taken some medication that warns against driving, operating heavy machinery (as a blender heavy?), etc. So, I told her I would make sandwiches. Great, said she, apparently convinced I could not f--k THAT up.

Foolish mortal. Before I tell you what I made, rest assured I have been paroled from the kitchen indefinitely.

I love spicy foofs, and I love cheese. So I grated several slices of pepperjack, mozerella, American, Swiss and Smoked Gouda. I slatehered a small pan in olive oil and placed the cheese inside to melt Into this soupy cheesey mixture, I mixed my favorite habanero hot sauce that I buy every fall in Valley Center. After the cheese was ready, a poored it on to four slices of bread. The cheese cooled into a harder gelatenous mess, and onto that, I added genoa salami, pitted kalemata olives, peppercinis (diced, of course) grilled onions, and grilled bell pepper slices.

I ate mine in two bites. LOVED it. My wif took one bite, spit in on her plate, and went to her room. Later, when I was in the bathroom learning why we say hi ho with hot foods, she came in to tell me that my kitchen duties were over. A succesful night, if you ask me.

Sounds like a good dinner to me, I don't see the problem with it!

I was in a somewhat long term relationship, and the only thing I was allowed to opperate in the kitchen was the toaster and the can opener. I lost blender privlidges when I managed to douse the entire kitchen and the cat in vanilla ice cream, milk, and Kalua in approx. 1.3 seconds.



joe
 

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clever or evil

great ideas but c'mon she's pregnant with your kid. hook the gal up. my wife had mass pregnancy issues so not only did I cook but had to cook special diet and since I hate doing short order, put myself on the same diet.

good,luck and ferchrissakes it's a magical time, enjoy it.the next thing ya know you'll have a kid and be longing for the days when she was knocked up.
 

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Discussion Starter #6
It's been six years since I filled the dishwasher with handsoap and then went for a weekend ride to the mountains. My wife cleaned suds for hours and hours. Best intentional f--kup I ever had.

Of course, she got me back in spades by failing to use her diaghram as presecribed.
 

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Game on, b*tches!
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Dude.

Yer lucky to be alive. I have learned a few things after having 2 kids.
1) Don't have a 3rd
2) Don't f&ck with a pregnant woman.
Your days are numbered.
 

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here comes trouble
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Good gracious, you sound like a vindictive butt munch.
 

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here comes trouble
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Yup. I got a new outfit. ;)
 

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Misfit Toy
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paint said:
Good gracious, you sound like a vindictive butt munch.
gig...is that you? :confused:
 

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jaded bitter joy crusher
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Man who can't cook ain't worth sh!t.. Go hide your head in shame and come back after you've redeemed yourself by making her a pear-and-ginger soufflé with brandied chocolate sauce.
 

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Coco Puff
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morrison said:
I love spicy foofs, and I love cheese. So I grated several slices of pepperjack, mozerella, American, Swiss and Smoked Gouda. I slatehered a small pan in olive oil and placed the cheese inside to melt Into this soupy cheesey mixture, I mixed my favorite habanero hot sauce that I buy every fall in Valley Center. After the cheese was ready, a poored it on to four slices of bread. The cheese cooled into a harder gelatenous mess, and onto that, I added genoa salami, pitted kalemata olives, peppercinis (diced, of course) grilled onions, and grilled bell pepper slices.

.
This sounds quite good to me. Fried cheese and spices with assorted salty toppings. Deelish, but I can kinda see why she wouldn't have any part of it.

I don't remember the food situation while my sweet was preggers. (but it's been more than 20 years) I do remember the first thing I cooked after the birth...

Don't read this if you're likely to lose food or are squeamish

Our son was born via midwife in our home bedroom. Midwife says the placenta is good food for New Momma. hhmmm.... So I make Placenta Stew with carrots, potatoes and spices ( jeez, I think I even used red wine, anything to cover it up). It had the possibility of being good- but I used a little too much placenta (you ever see the size of one of those things? Its like a five pound chunk of liver) as I just kinda dumped the whole thing in. Needless to say, it didn't go over too well, I did taste it, but it seemed a little cannibalistic, and really didn't taste all that great- even if I didn't know what it was. She was up and out of bed in no time.

So I would advise preparing your bride for her upcoming 'Stew' adventure, that way you'll never have to cook again, as there is no way she'll trust anything you put in front of her.

;-)
 

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rwbadley said:
Don't read this if you're likely to lose food or are squeamish

Our son was born via midwife in our home bedroom. Midwife says the placenta is good food for New Momma. hhmmm.... So I make Placenta Stew with carrots, potatoes and spices ( jeez, I think I even used red wine, anything to cover it up). It had the possibility of being good- but I used a little too much placenta (you ever see the size of one of those things? Its like a five pound chunk of liver) as I just kinda dumped the whole thing in. Needless to say, it didn't go over too well, I did taste it, but it seemed a little cannibalistic, and really didn't taste all that great- even if I didn't know what it was. She was up and out of bed in no time.
OMG, that has to be one of the most, just ugh, nasty things I've ever heard. Good lord, what is wrong with you.
 

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Game on, b*tches!
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Good or not, that's just NASTY. WTF was your wife's midwife??
 

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Coco Puff
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Kram59 said:
WTF was your wife's midwife??
She sure wasn't there having dinner with us...
 

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Misfit Toy
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rwbadley said:
So I make Placenta Stew with carrots, potatoes and spices ( jeez, I think I even used red wine, anything to cover it up).
RW - you old hippie you!
 

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Government Mule
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rwbadley said:
This sounds quite good to me. Fried cheese and spices with assorted salty toppings. Deelish, but I can kinda see why she wouldn't have any part of it.

I don't remember the food situation while my sweet was preggers. (but it's been more than 20 years) I do remember the first thing I cooked after the birth...

Don't read this if you're likely to lose food or are squeamish

Our son was born via midwife in our home bedroom. Midwife says the placenta is good food for New Momma. hhmmm.... So I make Placenta Stew with carrots, potatoes and spices ( jeez, I think I even used red wine, anything to cover it up). It had the possibility of being good- but I used a little too much placenta (you ever see the size of one of those things? Its like a five pound chunk of liver) as I just kinda dumped the whole thing in. Needless to say, it didn't go over too well, I did taste it, but it seemed a little cannibalistic, and really didn't taste all that great- even if I didn't know what it was. She was up and out of bed in no time.

So I would advise preparing your bride for her upcoming 'Stew' adventure, that way you'll never have to cook again, as there is no way she'll trust anything you put in front of her.

;-)
Lucky for you she didn't cut the Imbecilical cord!
 

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Beetpull DeLite
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FTF said:
OMG, that has to be one of the most, just ugh, nasty things I've ever heard. Good lord, what is wrong with you.
I've heard about that before. It was on some HBO special about things different cultures eat that would be considered odd to us...the placenta was one of them.

I'd eat it. Honestly, given the chance to try human, I'd go for it. I can't see much of a difference between that and eating cow, pig, lamb, seafood, etc. Just my opinion.
 

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Coco Puff
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stevee said:
Lucky for you she didn't cut the Imbecilical cord!
Heheh, that's pretty good....

My imbecilical cord is still intact
 
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