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scruffy nerf herder
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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
We all have seen the threads regarding how great our pets are, and we've all seen the pics. Pets are cool, but I'm grouchy today and my cat... has to be the most annoying pest on the planet. They seem to have this internal mechanism that turns their annoying level up to eleven when you are the least able to handle it. Allergies have taken over our household (oak) and so sleep is scarce.

Not only do we have this startlingly well endowed chihuahua who decides to pleasure himself in front of company and pees on things when he is feeling left out.... we have this giant freak of a greyhound that I have to carry down the steps every morning because he is too chicken to go down.... we have this cat that OH MY GAWD is the most .... UGH.

The thing that sucks is that it looks just like Ridgetop's cat... but man that cat will meow INCESSANTLY any time night or day if she is "thirsty" and will ONLY drink out of a faucet, and you will turn the faucet and she will take two or three laps of water and be done. We try and deal with this by shutting her in the basement, where some how she meows even LOUDER and it echoes through the vents, OR I'd swear she beats on the door with a hammer. So, we try and leave her outside, where when we do let her in... she comes in, eats, drinks a bunch of water, then BARFS it all up... sometimes multiple times in multiple rooms. If she wants attention and you are sleeping in bed, she will jump up and sit, with her nose almost touching yours and purr SO loud. Its endearing, but when you've had NO sleep you just want to punt her.... jeezus, It be fine if she would catch the mole or something, but no, she is worthless in that regard. SO... Im miffed, tired as hell, and thinking of ways to skin a cat... because I've heard there are several different ways.

Anyone have a mutherfuggin snake that can eat a cat?
 

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Shirtcocker
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60,639 Posts
Our dogs have taken to hopping on the bed with us in the morning despite our giving them nice dog beds on the floor. The big one will slowly edge me off the bed and the small one will lay on top of my head and then when they want to go out (6am or earlier usually) they will flap their heads and jangle their collar tags loudly. The small one has large dachshund ears that make a loud flapping noise as well.

//if we don't lock them in our room at night the small one will go into the basement and pee and crap all over the floor which is not good either
 

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Resident Dutchbag
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11,864 Posts
Welcome to Petland. :D
 

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Windrider (Stubborn)
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22,021 Posts
Last Thursday......

Our 130 lb Newfoundland puppy ate a toad in the backyard.

The bad news is that the toad was poisonous. Within an hour, his heartrate got shallow, his pupils dilated and he proceeded to slobber uncontrollably (Think of Hootch in Turner & Hootch multiplied by 8).

I walked in the door Friday evening, when he was beginning to recover, and my pants were soaked within 20 seconds. He would sleep on the floor and wake up with a puddle under him. No fun at all.

Thankfully he was fully recovered by Saturday.

Now the cat.......anybody want a cat?

Len
 

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Bacon!
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9,190 Posts
Our cats live the same cycle everyday:
1. Wake us up.
2. Meow at everything or attack one another and growl at everything.
3. Eat.
4. Puke what they've eaten!
5. Take a dump right when you are getting ready to go to bed to make sure the house smells worse than anything imaginable.
6. Wake us up. . .
 

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Darn, my pets are angels compared to all the ones mentioned.

But they sure a h#ll ain't perfect.

They love to wake us up early on the weekends, don't they know its Saturday.

Luckily they will come and jump up on their hindlegs on my wife side of the bed, not mine.

Last night they got into the toilet paper that was under the sink, came home to find that they have chewed up about 5 rolls of the stuff along with a box of klennex, it looked like it had snowed in the room.

Right now, we are in the process of enclosing our backporch to make it is a pet room, cause they are so darn dusty all of the time, expect now that it has been raining like crazy, then everything is mud.

But hey, it is impossible to stay mad at them.
 

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From previous experience, it is best to start at the neck and cut a clean circle around. Then you cut down the middle of the stomach to the tail, after that it is just like peeling a banana.
 

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Shirtcocker
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60,639 Posts
Ridgetop said:
5. Take a dump right when you are getting ready to go to bed to make sure the house smells worse than anything imaginable.
It's mainly for this reason I'll never own another cat. I HATE litter boxes. Let em crap outside. :eek:
 

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gazing from the shadows
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27,288 Posts
funknuggets said:
The thing that sucks is that it looks just like Ridgetop's cat... but man that cat will meow INCESSANTLY any time night or day if she is "thirsty" and will ONLY drink out of a faucet, and you will turn the faucet and she will take two or three laps of water and be done.
Get a fountain water system, like drinkwell.

http://www.petfountain.com/dpfcats.asp

As for the rest, a squirt gun helps, as does an ability and willingness to toss the cat with authority without waking up. They mostly bounce.
 

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Shirtcocker
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60,639 Posts
GirchyGirchy said:
I've heard a .45 works wonders on a cat.
Before our cat died (never getting another cat, never getting another cat) he used to pee on my side of the bed with some regularity (note: just my side of the bed--never the other). Believe me--after laying down on a cat pee soaked mattress a few times I'd fantasize about taking him out in the country and unloading a 12 gauge shell into him. :eek: not many worse smells than cat pee--thank god for Nature's Miracle or my mattress would still smell.
 

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Beetpull DeLite
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12,756 Posts
Bocephus Jones II said:
Before our cat died (never getting another cat, never getting another cat) he used to pee on my side of the bed with some regularity (note: just my side of the bed--never the other). Believe me--after laying down on a cat pee soaked mattress a few times I'd fantasize about taking him out in the country and unloading a 12 gauge shell into him. :eek: not many worse smells than cat pee--thank god for Nature's Miracle or my mattress would still smell.
Stupid cats.

My response stems from a coworker's story. He lives out in the boonies and would sometimes find himself with some barn cats...they're the awful ones who just show up to eat and are normally mangy. Oftentimes they're just plain mean. His uncle used to give he and his buddies $1 per cat to get rid of his, and I used to peg them with a BB gun at my aunt & uncle's house. Stupid cats.

Anyway, he liked some of them, but others would get on his nerves. A couple had a habit of leaping onto his screen windows and hanging there, so he started smacking them off to knock some sense into them. They'd go flying off the balcony and jump right back on. So, he got tired of it and grabbed the .45...no more cat problems!
 

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Rock the Mullet!
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305 Posts
It's friday, KIDS freaking annoy me.....

We all have seen the threads regarding how great our KIDS are, and we've all seen the pics. KIDS are cool, but I'm grouchy today and my KID.. has to be the most annoying pest on the planet. They seem to have this internal mechanism that turns their annoying level up to eleven when you are the least able to handle it. Allergies have taken over our household (oak) and so sleep is scarce.

Not only do we have this startlingly well endowed CHILD who decides to pleasure himself in front of company and pees on things when he is feeling left out.... we have this giant freak of a CHILD that I have to carry down the steps every morning because he is too chicken to go down.... we have this CHILD that OH MY GAWD is the most .... UGH.

The thing that sucks is that it looks just like Ridgetop's CHILD... but man that GIRL will meow INCESSANTLY any time night or day if she is "thirsty" and will ONLY drink out of a faucet, and you will turn the faucet and she will take two or three laps of water and be done. We try and deal with this by shutting her in the basement, where some how she meows even LOUDER and it echoes through the vents, OR I'd swear she beats on the door with a hammer. So, we try and leave her outside, where when we do let her in... she comes in, eats, drinks a bunch of water, then BARFS it all up... sometimes multiple times in multiple rooms. If she wants attention and you are sleeping in bed, she will jump up and sit, with her nose almost touching yours and purr SO loud. Its endearing, but when you've had NO sleep you just want to punt her.... jeezus, It be fine if she would catch the mole or something, but no, she is worthless in that regard. SO... Im miffed, tired as hell, and thinking of ways to skin a CHILD... because I've heard there are several different ways.

Anyone have a mutherfuggin snake that can eat a KID?


Sorry but I found it was much funnier if you put in child references for each pet reference.:D

Pb
 

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Shirtcocker
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60,639 Posts
thinkcooper said:
now that you mention it...
they have the right idea--put the kids to work from an early age. :D
 

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scruffy nerf herder
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4,484 Posts
Discussion Starter · #17 ·
Yeah, the well-endowed child that pleasures himself in front of company image was quite startling...
 

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Shirtcocker
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60,639 Posts
funknuggets said:
Yeah, the well-endowed child that pleasures himself in front of company image was quite startling...
My 5 year old has done that before. :rolleyes:
 
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