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go with it I know its not perfect but I heard this about 20 nears ago

Gnarly accident 20 car pile up, cars, bodies, and body parts everywhere, etc.

1st patrolman gets there and starts taking notes (this is where its imperfect as normally they would assist people but whatever, if you come up with a better version post it).

“95 mustang in boulevard” (act as patrolman, pretend to take notes, etc)

“b-o-o-l-e-v-a-r-d No.”

“b-o-l-l-e-v-a-r-d? – Nope”

“B-o-u-l-v-a-r-d- No”

“B-o-u-l-e-v-a-r-d”

Walking over to next car

“02 Chevy Malibu in Boulevard”

“B-o-o-l-e-v-a-r-d Nope”

“B-o-o-l-l-v-a-r-d – No”

“B-o-u-l-e-v-a-r-d”

Walking over to decapitated head

“Human head in ditch”

“D-i-c-h – Nope”

“D-i-t-t-c-h- No”

Looking around and over shoulders to see that no one is looking and then make a kicking motion.

“Boulevard – b-o-u-l-e-v-a-r-d”

Do it up, pretend to be writing notes (mustang, 02 malibu, human head, etc)in notebook, etc.

thats the only good joke I know, the rest I forgot around the campfire for some reason.

care to share your favorite joke?
 

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being a northern, its time for Sven and Ollie

It's that time of year again, and Swen and Ole face
the nasty chore of cleaning out the old out house.

Sven, though, has been thinking about how to make
the job a little easier this year, so he suggests
that they might use some dynamite placed and timed
just right.

Sven and Ole get some dynamite and they place some
of it around the base of the out house, and light
the fuse for it. Then they quickly light the fuse
for the rest of it and drop it down the hole. Of
course, at this point the run for cover.

As they sit protected from their plans, Lena bursts
out through the kitchen door and runs straight into
the out house. Before Sven and Ole can do anything
to stop her, their plans go into motion.

"Boom!!!" The first half of the dynamite goes off
and lifts the out house, and poor Lena, some thirty
feet off the ground.

"Ka-Boom!!" The rest of the dynamite explodes and
quickly clears out the underground chamber.

A few seconds later, the out house comes down and
lands neatly back into place.

Lena stumbles out a bit shaken and says:
"Uffda!! Itz a gut ting I dint do dat in da Kitchen!"
 

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i don't know
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lousylegs said:
Given the level of humor in this thread, I nominate to be deleted for the good of humanity.
I second your motion
 

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Resident Dutchbag
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Ther is a humor thread at ze german fohrum that's almost as funny as this one. They themselves think it's hilarious though. :rolleyes:
 

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Deliciously Ironic
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Another Sven and Ole joke

Sven and Ole come to America, but they can't find jobs. So they go down to the Unemployment Center and get in line.

Ole walks up to the counter, and the clerk asks him what he did for a living in the Old Country

"I sew elastic into women's panties."
To which the clerk gives him a check for $100 and tells him to come back next week.

Sven steps up, and the clerk asks him what he did in the Old Country.
"I was a diesel fitter!"
To which the clerk gives him a check for $500 and tells him to come back next week.

Ole can't believe this, and goes back up to the clerk
"Tell me why he gets $500 and me only $100?"

"Well.." the clerk responds, "...He's a diesel fitter, there's a need for skilled people like him. You just sew womens' panties"

"Skilled? HIM? We work in same factory...I sew elastic into panties, he puts them on his head and says YA DEEZL FIT 'ER!!"
 

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Resident Dutchbag
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lousylegs said:
Can Germans even tell jokes?
No, they shout them at the top of their voice, and if you don't laugh it's ze firing squad. Most of the time it's hard to understand what they are saying because they are goose-stepping all over ze place and every third word is "Heil!". :rolleyes: :rolleyes:
 

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Quiet, daddy's drinking
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Oh yea, Sven an Ole!

lousylegs said:
It's that time of year again, and Swen and Ole face
the nasty chore of cleaning out the old out house.

Sven, though, has been thinking about how to make
the job a little easier this year, so he suggests
that they might use some dynamite placed and timed
just right.

Sven and Ole get some dynamite and they place some
of it around the base of the out house, and light
the fuse for it. Then they quickly light the fuse
for the rest of it and drop it down the hole. Of
course, at this point the run for cover.

As they sit protected from their plans, Lena bursts
out through the kitchen door and runs straight into
the out house. Before Sven and Ole can do anything
to stop her, their plans go into motion.

"Boom!!!" The first half of the dynamite goes off
and lifts the out house, and poor Lena, some thirty
feet off the ground.

"Ka-Boom!!" The rest of the dynamite explodes and
quickly clears out the underground chamber.

A few seconds later, the out house comes down and
lands neatly back into place.

Lena stumbles out a bit shaken and says:
"Uffda!! Itz a gut ting I dint do dat in da Kitchen!"



I haven't heard that joke in years, since the last time I was in the north woods of Minnesota (pronounced Min-ne-soo-ta).
 

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Hey, you want to know what is making head lines????























Courdoroy Pillows.. :p
 

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Guy walks into a bar and it is completely vacant. Just the bartender tucked behind the bar cleaning some beer mugs.

From nowhere the guy hears, "Nice haircut, it looks good on you"

The guy looks around wondering where the hell that came from.

Then again, "You look really fit, I bet you work out alot"

This time he wonders if he is going crazy, and yells up to the bartender, Who the hell is saying that????


The bartender turns and responds, "its the peanuts, they're complimentary...."
 

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my legs hurt
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A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, "Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?"

She responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "No, I won't sleep with you!"

Everyone in the bar is now staring at them. Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table.

After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations."

To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, "What do you mean $50!?!"
 

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i don't know
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322 Posts
handsomerob said:
Guy walks into a bar and it is completely vacant. Just the bartender tucked behind the bar cleaning some beer mugs.

From nowhere the guy hears, "Nice haircut, it looks good on you"

The guy looks around wondering where the hell that came from.

Then again, "You look really fit, I bet you work out alot"

This time he wonders if he is going crazy, and yells up to the bartender, Who the hell is saying that????


The bartender turns and responds, "its the peanuts, they're complimentary...."
Oh my god, that made me laugh. This can't be good...
 

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i don't know
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lousylegs said:
Gee, bet these make Flynn really proud to find out he is of Scandinavian descent.
Yeah! Where are all the Irish jokes people??
 

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wut?
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Flynn said:
Yeah! Where are all the Irish jokes people??
An American walks into an Irish pub and says, "I'll give anyone $100 if they can drink 10 glasses of Guinness in 10 minutes." Most people just ignore the absurd bet and go back to their conversations, but one guy gets up and leaves the bar. A little while later that guy comes back and asks the American, "Is that bet still on?" "Sure." So the bartender lines 10 glasses of Guinness up on the bar the Irishman drinks them all in less than 10 minutes. As the American hands over the money he asks, "Where did you go when you just left?" The Irishman answers, "I went next door to the other pub to see if I could do it."
 

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A guy walks into a bar with a battery and a set of jumper cables.
The bartender says
"Hey buddy, you better not try to start anything"
 
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