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· I heart team Zissou!
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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Sorry if this has been posted before, I have been away for a few days...

Anyhoo...

Kaiser Jan is doing the speaking to doubting jelly-spined doubters. He is being <i>sehr</i> looking down on those hairy-brained <i>Zweifler</i> who seek to <i>beleidigung</i> the Kaiser with their much <i>inkompetent</i> to be sure carping. They are like <i>inkonsequente Moskitos</i> to the kaisser Jan who's ears are filling much with their buzz before their bodies splat he makes...

and so on, and so on....http://blog.myspace.com/kaiserjan

Hilarious!

A+

Philippe
 

· Cannot bench own weight
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4,298 Posts
philippec said:
Sorry if this has been posted before, I have been away for a few days...

Anyhoo...

Kaiser Jan is doing the speaking to doubting jelly-spined doubters. He is being <i>sehr</i> looking down on those hairy-brained <i>Zweifler</i> who seek to <i>beleidigung</i> the Kaiser with their much <i>inkompetent</i> to be sure carping. They are like <i>inkonsequente Moskitos</i> to the kaisser Jan who's ears are filling much with their buzz before their bodies splat he makes...

and so on, and so on....http://blog.myspace.com/kaiserjan

Hilarious!

A+

Philippe
Blocked from work :(

Is it a joke?
 

· I heart team Zissou!
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2,954 Posts
Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Einstruzende said:
Blocked from work :(

Is it a joke?
Oh no. It is serious.... very, very serious! See for yourself:

(lifted w/out permission from Kaiser jan's Blog)

It is I.

It is the Jan.

I have done the returning. I am being like the Terminator. Oooo, wait, no, I am being like the Terminator 2, with the motorcycle and the shotgun and the having sex with a trash compactor. That is happening in Terminator 2, right? It has been a long time since the Jan has been seeing this movie.

My knee is better. It is only feeling like the fires of a thousand hells are burning in my joints, which the Jan is handling easy. The Jan snacks on pain, and dines on death. Seriously, the Jan actually dines on death, with a side of wilted spinach and a nice Grenache. The Jan may dine on death, but he is not being a savage.

The Jan has just done the finishing of the stage two of the tour of Romandie. Romandie is being the worst country the Jan has ever been to. It is smelling like cabbage, and the all the women are looking like wooly sacks of potatoes. Preferably the Jan must dine on the liver of fourteen virgins every morning to be strong, but there are not being 14 virgins in all of Romandie, the Jan is thinking. So I am not crushing as many souls as I am normally doing.

Oh, do not being getting the Jan wrong, there has been much weeping and gnashing of teeth as I flow down over the peloton like the hot pink spectre of doom and pestilence that all men know me to be. But the true crushing has not yet done the beginning in earnest. Only once will I open the portal to pain and death and rain down a storm from the darkest of hells upon the peloton. That will be in the July, of course.

The Jan has heard Mr. Riis comments. The Jan is thinking it is super classy of the team director of CSC to comment on other riders he is being having nothing to do with. Especially when he is obviously having an axe to grind. Normally, the Jan would go up to Bjarne Riis and rip his stomach out through his mouth. But the Jan is a bit tired. The team doctor says that I am worn out, that I have been porking Bjarne Riis' wife too much. I am saying, yes, this task is not being easy, for it is requiring the mountain climbing gear, and the hazmat suit, and the stomach of iron, but I am still doing it. If I am not porking Bjarne Riis' wife, then who will? Certainly not Mr. Fussy Pants Throw a Bicycle Baby Face Bjarne. He is not liking the company of women, I am hearing thourgh the grapevine. It is apparently the truth that the Bjarne Riis likes to hump donkeys. Big ones. Sometimes he is even having nasty big donkey orgies, the details of which are so horrific that even the Jan's black soul cringes in disgust. And the Jan has done nearly everything. Ask Bjarne's wife.

The Jan is keeping one burning, fear-inspiring eye on the little spanish one, Valverde. He is riding less pathetically than most other mortals lately. One eye also is being kept on Mr. Hair Monkey Marinara Boy, Ivan Basso. And it is looking kind of weird, because my eyes are being all over the place and people are being all like, Jan, what is the deal with your eyes, and I am like, "Shut up, man, I am being watching people." And then they are all like, "Oh, my bad, Jan." And the Jan is all like, "Ja, no ****." And then I am killing them. The Jan is hating to be interrupted when I am watching people.
 

· jaded bitter joy crusher
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19,754 Posts
teh Jan's Haiku Shoppe

More jelly donuts
Give heft to crush Basso. Ich
bin ein berliner

Best in life is
to crush girly cyclists and
drive them before me
 

· Cat 6
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4,696 Posts
:D

The training is begin.

I have been at the starting of the training now. At the first, I did the stomach stretches, where I eat the 14 sausages, and I drink the ten beers. Then I do the endurance training, where I dance with the pretty fraus until the sun is coming up, at which time I am showing my thighs to everyone because I have at some point lost mine pants. Many people faint with terror. Or the lust, I am not being sure which. At this point, I must do the resting, because it is a crucial part of any training. I do the resting very good this time, and do not take a break from the resting for 15 hours. Then I wake up, and do the kicking of the kittens, to stay sharp. It is not being easy, my regimen, but I am not to complain.
 

· goodbye fraudriguez
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387 Posts
more

This is good stuff

"On a personal note, the Jan is being sending out a heart-felt sympathy thing to Lance and Sheryl. I am thinking the seeds were planted last summer when the Sheryl did gaze upon the twin towers of pleasure and pain that are my thighs. They have been being the cause of many a breakup, but the Jan can do nothing. This is being the cross the Jan must bear."
 

· Registered
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70 Posts
"lamentations of the women...."

meaning of life(?) is to crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentations of their women.....
 

· Administrator
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13,152 Posts
"Don't make me run, I am full of choc-o-late!"
 

· jaded bitter joy crusher
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19,754 Posts
rash said:
meaning of life(?) is to crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentations of their women.....
I just couldn't fit "lamentations of their women" into a haiku line.
 
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