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· Registered
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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I've had a lower GI thing and an infected testicle (yuck) keep me off the bike for a bit. I've been training my wife still for a tandem century. We got to ride the other day. I still didn't feel very good, which she was well aware of. She popped up to the top of our road (25% grade), pulled about 50 yards ahead. Then kept pulling away. I was dead cold, trying to warm up a little. I got pissed when she reached about 1/2 mile ahead and was still pulling away. Couldn't decide whether to turn around, ignore her, or what. I found it kind of rude. I've never abandoned her during the years of training and riding.

I went ahead and caught her, but it made me hurt. I tried not to be pissed, but I was. She didn't apologize or anything, just made the excuse that she didn't look back or something.

We were both on the edge of not riding with each other.

Was it acceptable for her to invite me on a ride, then accelerate away without concern? Or should she have waited for me to warm up after being ill?

I'm not sure of the proper thing to do under such circumstances. Normally I'm pretty quick and can more than keep up, can usually pull away at will. So I wasn't performing well, but she knew that. Just seemed really rude at the time.
 

· Non Non Cyclist
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5,779 Posts
Was it supposed to be a training ride for her and you were just tagging along?

Did you say something at the start of the ride along the lines of, "As you know, I'm still not 100%, how's about we take it easy so I can warm up well"?

Could the fact that you've been off the bike for a bit and she's been riding alone excuse her for not looking back?

Just a few musings from someone who's always playing chase with my faster riding partners.
 

· I am no Guide
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571 Posts
I get droped by the people I ride with all the time.

Eventually the pack will solw down and the slower people will catch up.

Don't worry about it. It is all part of riding IMHO

My guess is you are more angy about being droped then the fact that your RIDING PARTNER (take wife out of the equation to look at this situation objectivly) then the fact that they did not wait for you.

Man just remember getting droped on a bike is not worth throwing away any relationship (weather it be a friend or a wife).

To qouat Geroge Carlin: "Calm down and have some dip"

So what you got droped by a girl BFD
 

· Fini les ecrase-"manets"!
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9,419 Posts
I think if it bothers you, you need to talk with her about it, as calmly as you can. You can't undo the situation, but if she knows--definitely knows, with no beating around the bush on your part--that it hurt your feelings, then she can do things differently next time (and probably will).

I personally think it's a little rude to ride away from people you're riding with. It's important to make sure that everyone on the ride knows how it's going to go--will the fast folks ride away on the hills and slow down at the top, will there be a paceline, and if so, what's the pace going to be like, etc.?

It's equally important, though, to take responsibility for this kind of thing yourself. It never hurts to remind your riding partners if you're out of shape or injured--it sets up the opportunity to make decisions about the pace, getting dropped, etc. Don't assume even your wife will think about this stuff without you saying something up front.

You may not have realized you'd get dropped so badly, or that she'd be so unused to riding with anyone else that she'd never look back, or whatever, so this is just an unfortunate event, and everyone should know better next time.
 

· Registered
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I think you need to relax. Take into consideration that maybe your choice to ride on that particular day wasn't the best for your body... or that you're riding w/ someone faster than you period. Who cares? She's your wife, for crying out loud! :)
 

· You're Not the Boss of Me
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7,749 Posts
Was this a mountain ride? I'm always skeptical when someone claims a paved road has a 25% grade, since I know of no road or highway dept that will pave a grade that steep.

Anyhoo. I think EVERY couple that bikes together has encountered this problem. EVERY couple. The hard part is that depending on one's frame of mind, some days being dropped is okay, and other days it is upsetting. The only thing a couple can do is have ground rules.

In my last relationship, the rule was that it was okay to get separated unless/until someone said it was not okay. So, on a day that I felt like dogpewp and didn't want to be left, I'd say "would you ride with me please?" But otherwise, each to her own pace.

YMMV.
 

· My back hurts
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4,862 Posts
This seems like an odd spousal post. If it were a post about a casual riding buddy, it would make more sense. If you were chafed (no pun intended) why didn't you just let her know in a friendly way? I always tell my wife when she does something that bugs me, and she sure as hell lets me know when I do something stupid, which is usually numerous times per day.
 

· Shirtcocker
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60,886 Posts
dude...if you're posting on a Internet board rather than telling this whole thing to your wife I think you 2 need some counseling. The communication doesn't seem to be there.
 

· Back from the dead
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20,800 Posts
You sound pretty whiny to me. Did you expect her to ride side by side the whole time, because that's not a reasonable expectation when there is a big gap between fitness levels. It's reasonable to expect that there will be separations, especially with a 25% grade, and that eventually you will come back together. If you are going to get all pissy the first time that happens, the rest of your ride is doomed.
 

· My back hurts
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4,862 Posts
mohair_chair said:
You sound pretty whiny to me. Did you expect her to ride side by side the whole time, because that's not a reasonable expectation when there is a big gap between fitness levels. It's reasonable to expect that there will be separations, especially with a 25% grade, and that eventually you will come back together. If you are going to get all pissy the first time that happens, the rest of your <b>life</b> is doomed.
Fixed your post.
 

· Scary Teddy Bear
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14,801 Posts
Bocephus Jones II said:
dude...if you're posting on a Internet board rather than telling this whole thing to your wife I think you 2 need some counseling. The communication doesn't seem to be there.

Agree with this one hundred percent....
 

· eminence grease
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18,559 Posts
I ride often with my step-daughter. She has this strong competitive streak and every time we go out it's a hammerfest. She goes off at 110%, I lag then I catch her and school her on the first hill, etc, etc, etc.

Sometimes, I just don't feel like playing that game so I let her go off. Eventually she wakes up, looks back and waits. She's in her own little adrenaline world and unaware that she's built a big lead.

I don't get pissed about it, I just ride the way I want to ride and let her do what she wants to do.

Honestly, what's the big deal? Your wife didn't do it to humiliate you or to hurt your feelings. She just went off without thinking. I think you're being way to sensitive and looking for a fight where there isn't one. Which makes me wonder why you're here seeking compassion when you should be telling her how you feel.

So my simple answer is "yes, you were wrong to get mad."
 

· I drank what?
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3,240 Posts
Just get well and then drop her ass on a long ride. If she biatches then you can play the 'but honey, you did the same thing to me on xyz'

Might not make for good marital advice, but its great for getting an argument started over something i feel is a trivial situation to begin with. :D

Sure theres not something else you upset about? Like I don't know maybe you feel she being inconsiderate in other parts of your life.
 
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