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Slightly Opinionated
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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I just have to vent...so read on if you like and be depressed, or head off somewhere else to read about beets and wildebeests.

So I found out today that one of my good family friends, whom I've known for about 20 years, worked for, and generally been very close with is basically losing his battle with prostate cancer. He's hit the stage where he's just giving up. He's depressed, no longer active (up until a couple weeks ago, he was active and happy-go-lucky, despite the disease), no longer wants to eat, and really just doesn't care much about life.

Yeah, he's 84, but to see someone, in about a year, go from swing dancing 2 nights a week, riding his bike, walking, jogging, working on and riding his motorcycle, telling jokes and generally having a good time go to someone who just doesn't see the point in fighting anymore...it's so saddening and so angering at the same time.

Right now he's going through chemo. Why, I don't know. His son, another great family friend and a professional colleague to boot, said something about his docs considering putting him on some heavy duty anti-depressants to bring up his mood and appetite, at the cost of his normal personality. He doesn't want that, nor does his dad.

*Sigh* Basically, I get to see a good friend go through the same thing I watched my grand-dad go through, almost exactly 10 years ago when he lost to mesothelioma.

I hate cancer. I hate that bastard disease with a passion. I generally think of myself as very even tempered and accepting of what ever life pitches at us, but I hate that effing disease. I'd like no better than to see it wiped out of existence with extreme prejudice.

Rant over. That...probably will feel better later when I read it again...
 

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Rant anytime. So sorry to hear about this. Anybody in his position would probably be angry and depressed too- hope he finds a reason to dance, bike and run again, though.
 

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scruffy nerf herder
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My wife's grandfather is going through the same thing. The kicker is he watched his own father die of it-- so he knows what to "expect." He is the exact same age--- and at this point is only treating it with pain management--- no chemo. It sucks watching him die. I guess in his mid-80s, he has lived plenty of life. This is the cruel reward of living a healthy life free of heart disease.



robdamanii said:
I just have to vent...so read on if you like and be depressed, or head off somewhere else to read about beets and wildebeests.

So I found out today that one of my good family friends, whom I've known for about 20 years, worked for, and generally been very close with is basically losing his battle with prostate cancer. He's hit the stage where he's just giving up. He's depressed, no longer active (up until a couple weeks ago, he was active and happy-go-lucky, despite the disease), no longer wants to eat, and really just doesn't care much about life.

Yeah, he's 84, but to see someone, in about a year, go from swing dancing 2 nights a week, riding his bike, walking, jogging, working on and riding his motorcycle, telling jokes and generally having a good time go to someone who just doesn't see the point in fighting anymore...it's so saddening and so angering at the same time.

Right now he's going through chemo. Why, I don't know. His son, another great family friend and a professional colleague to boot, said something about his docs considering putting him on some heavy duty anti-depressants to bring up his mood and appetite, at the cost of his normal personality. He doesn't want that, nor does his dad.

*Sigh* Basically, I get to see a good friend go through the same thing I watched my grand-dad go through, almost exactly 10 years ago when he lost to mesothelioma.

I hate cancer. I hate that bastard disease with a passion. I generally think of myself as very even tempered and accepting of what ever life pitches at us, but I hate that effing disease. I'd like no better than to see it wiped out of existence with extreme prejudice.

Rant over. That...probably will feel better later when I read it again...
 

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Slightly Opinionated
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10,231 Posts
Discussion Starter · #6 ·
One can only hope. Doesn't look good though. Mets to the bone is what I've been told they're facing, and have been for a while. I guess he didn't really take his initial symptoms too seriously, as he's typical in doing. As of now...prognosis is pretty poor. The guy was in 2 wars, survived 3 motorcycle wrecks, a small plane crash (his own plane), a quad bypass...and this gets him. Kick in the nuts, I tell ya.

The thing that is the hardest about it is not only that (inevitably) he'll be gone because of this, but that it really is affecting me badly. I've just felt like a black cloud at work, just feeling pretty depressed and angry, and trying to keep it together and put on a happy face for my own patients. It just sucks to hear that kind of news and then to have to go on all day like nothing really happened, and to try not to take out my anger and sadness on everyone I work with or treat.

I guess we all feel like we never did enough and can't do enough at times. I guess this is my time to feel that way. Sucks. Eff cancer. Hard.
 

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xploshin
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530 Posts
Cancer sucks. I've been in a similar position to your friend, albeit I'm only 16, and the best thing that anyone could ever do for me was to simply be there and talk to me. It didn't matter if it was forced, awkward, or uncomfortable just being there helped me more than I think even I will ever know.

He needs everyone now more than ever, just be there.
 

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n00bsauce
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13,507 Posts
My mother died of cancer, my mother-in-law died of cancer, my uncle died of cancer, my aunt died of cancer, my other aunt died of cancer, my other other aunt died of cancer, my wife had cancer. Cancer is a cancer. If we live long enough we'll probably die of cancer. Cancer can suck a big one. I'm mad at cancer and I support cancer research through my giving as much as I can. Hope your friend can make it through his chemo and get his old self back.
 

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So sorry Rob. I know it's hard to "put that smile on" and give a rat's @sh when a loved one is going through this.

It sounds like your friend has come to a level of acceptance, and is OK with it. You however, have a way to go to get there. It just sucks and coming to accept this reality is only attained by time.

Allow yourself the luxury of working through it, at your own pace, and getting through the anger like we all have when facing this.

Many many RBR hugs to you.
 

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Lemur-ing
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18,987 Posts
Sorry to hear this man.

My thoughts go out to you and your friend and his family. Hopefully, the old man will find a reason to fight or at least, live his life with vigor again.

Cancer sucks. I hope it gets wiped out in time too.

Thinking of you guys.
 

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Jerkhard Sirdribbledick
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27,036 Posts
Sorry.

Has the cancer spread? Else why doesn't he just have his prostate removed?

I'm not an expert on these things but my dad was diagnosed with prostate cancer last year, and his prostate removed, and his been squeaky clean since.

Oh, and I'm also not a doctor, lest there be any confusion.
 

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Scary Teddy Bear
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14,791 Posts
Sorry to hear.

But OEH is right, it sounds like your friend has accepted this....you need to work through the five stages as well.

Think of the wonderful 84 years he has gotten. I know, and I don't mean this in a disparaging way, but if, and that's a BIG if, I live to 84.....I'll be so happy I won't know what to do.

We all die Rob....it's the only certainty. Think of the things that are worse that he will avoid now. Dementia, Alzheimers, ending up in a NH in diapers after a large stroke. Those are often the realities of old age.

I am sorry for you, and for him. But, at 84, he's had a heck of a life, as you have duly noted.
 

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Captain Obvious
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11,876 Posts
sorry to hear that. best wishes to you and your friend. cancer it just a horrible way to go. it's nice to hear how active he was up until this point. makes me must less afraid of ever getting to that age.
 

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Slightly Opinionated
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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
Roe - Yeah, it's spread into the bone. No hope of just popping out the prostate and happy ending.

And you're all right. It's just a matter of time until something gets us. He seems to have accepted his fate, and I know that I need to work through it at my own pace. It's still no easier, although it should be. We all cling to life, despite knowing that all life is destined to end in death. It's one of the strangest things to me...

The thing that makes this so much harder is having to go through almost the exact same situation 10 years ago, and the similarities between them. And it's just such a crappy way to go. It would be so much easier for someone to go quickly, from one thing or another, than a drawn out wasting away that cancer patients have to suffer through.

Thanks for the kind words. It really does put things into perspective and shows just how many people are affected by this nasty disease. Now I just need to get through it in my own way and try not to let it show through to my colleagues and patients.

Ahh, life. What the hell, eh?
 

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Slightly Opinionated
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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
Hollywood said:
pretty sure I saw that on the menu at a massage parlor for $99. HTH
Damn, that was really good for a laugh. :D
 

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Windrider (Stubborn)
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22,021 Posts
Grief never goes away....it just lessens a little each year.....although it can echo pretty strongly when a close reminder occurs......knda like this.

The best thing you can do for your friend is work through your feelings of loss and honor his acceptance.......be there for him in a way that is good for him...not for you.

Cancer does suck........

vent here anytime...it's one of the things the lounge is great at.

Len
 

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The Original and The Best
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1,294 Posts
I'm so sorry to hear that, rob. I'm going through a rough time, too, but it's easy as pie compared to your friend.

My uncle was recently diagnosed with lung cancer that has spread to his pelvis. The doctors basically said that they cannot cure him, they can only prolong his life. We are involved in trying alternative medicine, good thoughts, healing hands, etc.

And my friend was diagnosed with breast cancer last year at the age of 29. She wants to have kids, so she didn't go the full route with the treatment. We are all hoping for the best for her, too.

I hope your friend finds peace, and that you do not suffer either.
 

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Nothing to add but my thoughts and prayers. I went through it and came out the other side. My thoughts are with your friend, with you, and with his family.

Venting is not to be discouraged, ad this is a good palce to do it...lots of love here.
 

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2 busy workin' 2 hang out
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Yes, thoughts and prayers to you, his family and friends.

I've thought about death often and for now would like to have something that takes awhile so that I could say goodbye.

As others said, vent here as often as you would like and do what you can to make the rest of the time as valuable as possible.
 
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