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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
He's in 8-th grade. My wife is freaked out about it. I'm not so much. Is that too young to date these days? Thus far, they've hung out with friends at a local pool and they see each other in school. Seems harmless enough to me, but I sure don't want to be a grandfather anytime soon either. He's a responsible kid and she doesn't live close to us, which I tell my wife is probably a good thing.

Anyone have any advice? My wife can see his text messages (he knows), but there's a bunch of alternatives to texting that can't be monitored (e.g., snapchat). Seems like just yesterday I was changing his diapers.
 

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He's in 8-th grade. My wife is freaked out about it. I'm not so much. Is that too young to date these days? Thus far, they've hung out with friends at a local pool and they see each other in school. Seems harmless enough to me, but I sure don't want to be a grandfather anytime soon either. He's a responsible kid and she doesn't live close to us, which I tell my wife is probably a good thing.

Anyone have any advice? My wife can see his text messages (he knows), but there's a bunch of alternatives to texting that can't be monitored (e.g., snapchat). Seems like just yesterday I was changing his diapers.
Sounds about right. The freakout just sounds like one of those "our baby is growing up" things.
 

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My son, now in 11th grade had his first and only girl friend in 7th or 8th grade. He asked her to "go steady" or whatever the equivalent is these days, which surprised me because he is generally a pretty quiet kid. They went on maybe a couple of dates but it was mostly a texting and hang out at school kind of thing. Ultimately she dumped him and I think he was pretty relieved as she required more attention than I think he was willing to contribute.

My advice is to let it run it's course with monitoring but minimal direct interference. The communication between you and him regarding sex and acceptable online behavior needs to have happened regardless of his dating status.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
My advice is to let it run it's course with monitoring but minimal direct interference. The communication between you and him regarding sex and acceptable online behavior needs to have happened regardless of his dating status.
That's happened. No Anthony Weiner business in my family. And I have to say, the school system does a remarkably better job at sex education than mine did years ago. It's not split the boys and girls into two separate classes and have the gym teachers do the birds and bees talk for an hour.
 

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It's all good, not to worry about the age.


BUT! As a father of a 20 and 18 year, I can tell you the kids are A LOT more aggressive sexually then we were at that age.


If you've not had THE talk yet, you need to. (Easier with a few beers in ya)

He might be a responsible kid, but is she? Are her parents. I found out that I'm not challenged by my kids, or kids friends, but by other parents who let their kids get away with anything, and then my kids expect the same from us.


Speaking of the phone, I was telling my wife a few years back that we really don't need to worry about our kids seeing dirty movies on HBO or another cable channel, cause there is way more hardcore stuff on their phone in a few clicks.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Speaking of the phone, I was telling my wife a few years back that we really don't need to worry about our kids seeing dirty movies on HBO or another cable channel, cause there is way more hardcore stuff on their phone in a few clicks.
It really is a different world than what I grew up in.
 

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He's in 8-th grade.
Thirteen year olds are in EIGHT grade? Crap! I have one due in December and this post made me realize I have 10 years before junior high school.... wow.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
Thirteen year olds are in EIGHT grade? Crap! I have one due in December and this post made me realize I have 10 years before junior high school.... wow.
He's a young 8-th grader. His birthday is in late June. The cut-off is September 30. We could have held him back, as almost everyone in my over achieving school system does, but we decided not to. He's always been the tallest kid in his class and he seems to have no trouble academically. He made the advanced placement program, of which I'm not a huge fan. His younger brother is a different story ...

10 years until middle school? I got 5 years until college. I don't know WTF I'm going to do when they move out. The younger one probably never will. we've got one of those next door. I barely have time to sit down and eat dinner most nights, and weekends seem to be full of doing chores and driving them to their sports games. I relax at work.
 

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BUT! As a father of a 20 and 18 year, I can tell you the kids are A LOT more aggressive sexually then we were at that age.
I'm not sure that's true. I've seen surveys showing reduced rates of teen sex compared to a generation ago. They've probably seen much more due to the internet, but I'm not convinced the behavior is all that different.
 

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I'm not sure that's true. I've seen surveys showing reduced rates of teen sex compared to a generation ago. They've probably seen much more due to the internet, but I'm not convinced the behavior is all that different.
Well, I've heard credible stories of jr high kids having oral sex in the back of the bus on the way home.

Then there is the whole "sexting" scene


So, ok sure, there might be less teenagers having intercourse by a few percentages points, but I see that the openness of sexuality is all around.
 

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Well, I've heard credible stories of jr high kids having oral sex in the back of the bus on the way home.

Then there is the whole "sexting" scene


So, ok sure, there might be less teenagers having intercourse by a few percentages points, but I see that the openness of sexuality is all around.
I heard stories about exactly the same thing when I was in Jr. High. Everything old is new again.

Sexting obviously wasn't possible until the last 10 years or so, but like most things drummed up by the media, I think there's a lot more hype than reality.
 

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I have 6 grown kids and during all those years I freaked out about everything. My wife freaked out even more then I did. However it all worked out fine in the end and they are all happy productive adults.

Keep communication open, respect their privacy and trust them. Be a role model yourself and deposit/invest money for their education each month. At 13 y/o you would be well into that savings plan.
 

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I'm not sure that's true. I've seen surveys showing reduced rates of teen sex compared to a generation ago. They've probably seen much more due to the internet, but I'm not convinced the behavior is all that different.

Way not safe for work language
 

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My 13 yo had a girlfriend, and they spent a lot of time not really saying anything and then poking, or petting each other in harmless playful ways. It cooled for whatever reason and now he is back to halo and swimming and what not.

Who knows, maybe it wont take. Use your skills. If hes not hiding or being evasive, you are probably okay.

Or... take the time to meet and get to know her parents. That's the sure way to kill it.
 

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Discussion Starter · #19 ·
I'm not sure that's true. I've seen surveys showing reduced rates of teen sex compared to a generation ago. They've probably seen much more due to the internet, but I'm not convinced the behavior is all that different.
I read something somewhere, the Atlantic maybe, that teen pregnancy rates are down, but not sex. The conclusion was that they're using contraception more effectively.

The boy is planning to take the GF to the movies Friday night. I asked is a group going, and he said no, just us. My wife says no way. She asked me if we had a 13 year old daughter, would I want to let her go to the movies with some boy. Gotta admit, she has a good point.
 

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I read something somewhere, the Atlantic maybe, that teen pregnancy rates are down, but not sex. The conclusion was that they're using contraception more effectively.

The boy is planning to take the GF to the movies Friday night. I asked is a group going, and he said no, just us. My wife says no way. She asked me if we had a 13 year old daughter, would I want to let her go to the movies with some boy. Gotta admit, she has a good point.
I'm a hypocrite like that too. :)
There's really not a good counterpoint except the fact that I've been a guy for 50 years.
 
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