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OK, so my wife,who writes young-adult novels, is in Hawaii researching ranches, because she's done 24 books that take place in Nevada, and her publisher said "What do you want to do next?" She said "I'd like to write about the paniolos (mid-19th century cowboys) in Hawaii." She figured they'd say "Yeah, right," but they contracted for eight books.
She's working on a ranch there for a couple of weeks for background, learning how they handle horses, local customs, all that Michener stuff, and she's in a sort of joke contest with one of the cowboys. He put her away last night with a cow joke, and now she needs one involving sheep. I don't know why sheep, but family suitability is not an issue... Anybody got one?
 

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Misfit Toy
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So the cowboy goes out to seek his fortune on the frontier of the old West. He finally settles on a ranching town near the very edge of civilization. So near, in fact, that there aren't any women to be found for love nor money. Well, he's young and full of hormones, and after a month, he starts getting randy, so he goes to the saloon to ask around. After a couple of sort of nervous, whispered conversations, it comes out that you use the sheep. Well, our hero isn't real happy about this, but he's really desperate. He buys a bottle to nerve himself up. He goes and finds the nearest flock, and decides that if he's going to do this at all, he's going to do it right. He spends most of the afternoon picking out the prettiest sheep in the flock. He shampoos her wool and ties ribbons around her neck. Puts a little bell on her collar. He's also getting pretty drunk. By evening, he's done cleaning up the sheep, and not thinking real clearly. He's so proud of the way the sheep looks, he decides to take her in to town and show her off at the saloon. He walks in with the sheep, and the room goes quiet. Everybody's staring at the guy. And not just staring, but kinda recoiling in shock and horror. He's ashamed, but he's drunk enough; he slurs out, "Whassamada, I thought ever'body went out to the sheep?" Finally, one old timer pipes up. "Yeah, boy, but you got the sherrif's girl.
 

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Misfit Toy
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More fun than searching for elephant jokes....

Two sheep herders are flying the herd to a new farm. Suddenly, the
engine fails and
the plane begins to fall quickly to the ground.
SH1: Quick! Grab a parachute and jump!

SH2: What about the sheep ?!?

SH1: F*ck the sheep !!!!

SH2: (pause) Do you think we have time?
 

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ten cents gets you nuts
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HokieRider said:
You are a very brave man for asking a question like that in the Lounge. I hope you are fully prepared for what might happen here.
Google just experienced an unsettling increase in "Sheep Joke" search queries.
 

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wut?
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Here's the ultimate joke:

A farmer's son leaves the farm and goes to the big city to get an education to figure out how to increase wool production. He comes back 12 years later with a PhD. When the farmers all gather to hear what the son has learned, he gets up in front of everyone and says:

"First of all, assume a spherical sheep."

That's my best joke.
 

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funct
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Bruce and Cobber are driving into Willington from their farm and it's Bruce's first time driving on a tarred road.
A bit nervous at how Bruce will handle the narrower roads Cobber says, "Bruce, have you ever made a u-turn?"

Bruce replies: "No bro, but once I made a ram's eyes water."
 

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Cory said:
OK, so my wife,who writes young-adult novels, is in Hawaii researching ranches, because she's done 24 books that take place in Nevada, and her publisher said "What do you want to do next?" She said "I'd like to write about the paniolos (mid-19th century cowboys) in Hawaii." She figured they'd say "Yeah, right," but they contracted for eight books.
She's working on a ranch there for a couple of weeks for background, learning how they handle horses, local customs, all that Michener stuff, and she's in a sort of joke contest with one of the cowboys. He put her away last night with a cow joke, and now she needs one involving sheep. I don't know why sheep, but family suitability is not an issue... Anybody got one?
Why do cowboys tuck their pant legs in their boots? So they have a place to put the sheep's hind legs.
 

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This space for sale
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Sheep out number the people in New Zealand by about 10 to 1.
 

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snapdragen said:
So the cowboy goes out to seek his fortune on the frontier of the old West. He finally settles on a ranching town near the very edge of civilization. So near, in fact, that there aren't any women to be found for love nor money. Well, he's ....everybody's staring at the guy. And not just staring, but kinda recoiling in shock and horror. He's ashamed, but he's drunk enough; he slurs out, "Whassamada, I thought ever'body went out to the sheep?" Finally, one old timer pipes up. "Yeah, boy, but you got the sherrif's girl.
Snap, that is good. Nice way to get a laugh to get the morning going. Thanks. :D :D
Cheers, Wayne
 

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What is the difference between the Rolling Stones and a Scotsman?

One sings "Hey you get off my cloud" the other yells, "Hey, McCloud get off me ewe."
 

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Scotland

where the men are brave and the sheep are scared. Nothing better than a kilt, some boots and velcro mittens (better grip)

why do Scotsmen always have sex with their sheep at the edge of a cliff?
so the sheep back up

so a traveling salesman knocks on the door. a young boy answers and the salesman says "Is your mother home?"
"Sure, she's out back shhagging the sheep"
The salesman says "is that some term for shearing?"
"No she's F'ing our prize Ram"
the salesman is shocked "How dare you say such things about your mother! I'm taking you to her so you can be punished"
"Suit yourself" says the boy.
The salesman drags him around to the back where lo and behold his Mother is en flagrante delicto with the family prize ram.
The salesman is shocked,the kid is unfazed.
"Son doesn't that bother you?" he asks
"Naaahahhahhaahhaahah"
 

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Obviously not doping
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An old cowboy is drinking at the tavern, and someone asks him his name. He says, well, my name is bill, but that's not what I'm called. I once lifted a cart off of a child that had hime pinned by the chest, but no one calls me Bill the strong. One time, I untied a girl that was tied to a railroad track and saved her from certain death just as the oncoming train passed by, but no one calls me Bill the brave, but you F*** on SHEEP...
 

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sheep joke

A guy walks into his bedroom with a sheep and says "This is the pig I've been sleeping with while your out of town" His wife is in bed and says " Thats a [email protected] sheep you idiot" To which the husband replies" I believe I was speaking to the sheep"

Thank you, thank you very much, ba dum bump....
 

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wut?
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timmyc said:
An old cowboy is drinking at the tavern, and someone asks him his name. He says, well, my name is bill, but that's not what I'm called. I once lifted a cart off of a child that had hime pinned by the chest, but no one calls me Bill the strong. One time, I untied a girl that was tied to a railroad track and saved her from certain death just as the oncoming train passed by, but no one calls me Bill the brave, but you F*** on SHEEP...
WHAT?!?!?
 

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here comes trouble
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F one sheep...
 
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