If you can find something in your budget in Rancho Penasquitos it would satisfy all your criteria; schools, commute (either on trails or bike path if it's raining), neighborhood, community, etc. PQ is much less "anonymous" than the newer neighborhoods; people actually talk to each other, have block parties and such. Search "92129" on zillow.
We moved here in 97 with two young kids (now three grown ones); elementary, middle and high schools are all a short walk away and of excellent quality. PQ canyon and Black Mountain have good trail networks and you can easily put together a 50+ mile trail ride by extending to Poway/Sycamore canyon or north to Lake Hodges.
Good luck with your search!