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Banned
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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
And so are certain aspects of my life. I've been on furlough from work for the last month since we ran out of work. They didn't want to lay me off, hence the furlough but at least I was able to collect Fun-employment and ride every day. Tomorrow I have to be back to work at the power plant project. We'll see how long that lasts. I may be furloughed again before too long.

I've managed to use that time constructively as far as cycling is concerned. With my wife and daughter out west for the last 5 weeks, and 3 more to go, I've been able to ride without family responsibilities.

As far as the rest of my time, that's where I'm not too proud. My wife and I have been struggling with the marriage for the better part of 4 years. Counseling has helped illuminate my flaws and weaknesses as well as hers. the short of it is I'm prone to infidelities and my wife has had enough. She took off this summer stating "you'll do what you want, but we need to get sorted when I return."

Our daughter calls me every other day or two, but it's rare my wife wants to talk to me about anything other than the status of her garden. When I call the phone gets handed to our daughter.

I did try make it work after my affair of nearly 5 years ended in early March. She finally met someone who "only lives an hour away and I can't 'see' two guys at the same time." So she dumped me not because I'm married but because he lives closer. I look at that as a turn of good fortune.

Unfortunately I'm weak when it comes to being without a woman. I've been getting entirely too close to someone in the last two weeks and if not for her convictions about me being truly single I'd be back in the same situation. At least she's honest when she says "if you want to date me you have to be single."

My male friends, some of which are divorced, have all confirmed what I know. I should be asking for a divorce.

I realized something the other day. I'm not scared of the future. I've been scared of abandoning a dream. I'd dreamt of having a family for no other reason than for my daughter. What I need to be is a father to her, and being divorced from her mother doesn't prevent that.

Don't look for me to be conversational about this. I just wanted to see how it felt saying it semi-publicly. My next step is to say it to people in the same room.
 

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All I wanted was a Pepsi!
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5,351 Posts
This makes me sad.

I hope you and your loved ones find peace.
 

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Misfit Toy
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23,426 Posts
lemonlime said:
This makes me sad.

I hope you and your loved ones find peace.
Me too.
 

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Proud luddite
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7,192 Posts
At least you can admit that your infidelities are problematic to your relationship with your wife. I suppose some folks aren't meant to be married, or at least tied down to one person for the long haul. If that's the way you are, and you're not going to change, I would suggest that you stay single and be the best father to your daughter that you can be.
 

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Administrator
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Unhappy marriage is much worse for your kid than divorced parents.
 

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No hero that's understood
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Coolhand said:
Unhappy marriage is much worse for your kid than divorced parents.
Tough call.

I am the product of parents who "stayed together for the kids". My parents separated when I was 22 years old. My father had a long-term girlfriend (18 yrs). I had no idea. It was clear growing up that there wasn't a lot of love between my parents, but it was also pretty clear that they loved my sister and me.

Since my parents didn't divorce while I was growing up, I can't speak to how I would have felt had this happened, but I don't think you can make the blanket statement that staying together is worse.

This has clearly effected my whole life, I have used my dad as an example of how not to do most everything, but I'm certainly not unhappy.

I don't really want to comment on the op's actions. I'm not there and have no way of knowing any of the particulars, but I this topic makes me pretty sad as well.
 

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Captain Obvious
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11,876 Posts
q_and_a said:
Tough call.

I am the product of parents who "stayed together for the kids". My parents separated when I was 22 years old. My father had a long-term girlfriend (18 yrs). I had no idea. It was clear growing up that there wasn't a lot of love between my parents, but it was also pretty clear that they loved my sister and me.

Since my parents didn't divorce while I was growing up, I can't speak to how I would have felt had this happened, but I don't think you can make the blanket statement that staying together is worse.

This has clearly effected my whole life, I have used my dad as an example of how not to do most everything, but I'm certainly not unhappy.

I don't really want to comment on the op's actions. I'm not there and have no way of knowing any of the particulars, but I this topic makes me pretty sad as well.
i'm on the opposite side of the divorce parents. i think i was better off that they divorced. i never felt a lack of love from my parents. although i have always been much closer to my mom since she had custody.
 

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hit it
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If you got divorced would your wife take your daughter & move "out west" permanently?

That'd be bad if you couldn't make the move as well.

My parents divorced when I was 5 or 6. We moved from IL to FL when I was 7. I didn't really like growing up without my Dad around.
 
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