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Moishe, a Jewish actor living in New York City, is so down and out,
he's ready to take any acting gig that he can find.

Finally, he gets a lead, a classified ad that says, "Actor needed to play an ape."

"I could do that," says Moishe.

To his surprise, the employer turns out to be the Central Park Zoo_Owing to the mismanagement, the zoo has spent so much money renovating the grounds and improving the habitat, they can no longer afford to import the ape to replace the recently deceased one, so, until they can, they'll put an actor in an ape suit.

Out of desperation, Moishe takes the offer.At first, his conscience keeps nagging him, that he is being dishonest by fooling the zoo-goers. Moishe also feels undignified in the ape suit, stared at by the crowds who watch his every move.

But after a few days on the job, he begins to enjoy all the attention and starts to put on a show for all the zoo-goers. Moishe hangs upside down from the branches by his legs, swingingabout on the vines, climbing up the cage walls and roaring with all his might, while beating on his chest. Soon, he's drawing a sizable crowd.

One day, when Moishe is swing on the vines to show off to a group of school kids, his hand slips and he goes flying over the fence into the neighboring cage, the lion's den.

Terrified, Moishe backs up as far from the approaching lion as he can, covers his eyes with his paws and prays at
the top of his lungs, "Shama Yisroel Adonoi Elaheinu, Adonoi Echud!"

The lion opens his powerful jaws and roars the response, "Baruch Shem K'vod Malchuso L'olam Va'ed"

From a nearby cage, a panda yells, "Shut up you schmucks, you'll get us all fired!"
 

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You know what? That same day, there was a guy from Brazil visiting his New York friend, and they decided to do some touristy stuff.. Off they go. To the Guggenheim, to the statue of liberty, to Times square, to Central Park, and finally to the zoo. Busy day eh?

Anyway, at the zoo, they were just arriving as the ape went flying out of his cage into the lions den. Then they heard the ape talk to the lion, heard the lion reply, and then were shocked when some wiseguy Panda join in.

Stunned to hear talking zoo animals the Brazilian guy asks "What are they?"

The New Yorker says "Hassidim"

The Brazilian guy replies "I see them too, but I've never seen them talk before"
 

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Now THAT is funny. Uproariously.

None of you goyem assclowns would understand, though.
 

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Misfit Toy
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sn69 said:
Now THAT is funny. Uproariously.

None of you goyem assclowns would understand, though.
How 'bout this goyem assclown whose best friend growing up was the daughter of a Rabbi? Orthodox.

neener, neener flyboy.....


colker & coop: LOL!!! :D
 

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What? For that you think you've got entry into the club?

Pshaw...tell me you ate (shudder) gefelte at their house--MORE THAN ONCE--and I'll consider granting you provisional entry.
 

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Oh yea!

So how much matzah you gots left over from Pesach?

Didja know they have Jews In Louisville?

Well they do now.

sn69 said:
What? For that you think you've got entry into the club?

Pshaw...tell me you ate (shudder) gefelte at their house--MORE THAN ONCE--and I'll consider granting you provisional entry.
 

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Misfit Toy
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Might not be in the club, but I've been a guest many times. Hah!
 

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Dude, Jewish Marines no less. OES is all a-twitter with excitement.

Pesach? As usual, I was a naughty yid. I ate pork chops (not kidding) and bought my shikse wife a huge Easter bunny cookie, whose ears I promptly bit off (also not kidding). ...Still waiting for one of the ***** to explain the correlation between an egg cr*pping bunny and the resurection of their sh*t ass savior.

Bueller? Bueller?

Oh well...I'll atone at the high holidays this fall...assuming I don't forget.

Howz things going in the Olde South?
 

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The queen can be in the club, but only 'cause she posted pix of her toez in Hawaii.

An offering in respect:
http://www.hebrew4christians.com/Humor/Jokes_Set_1/jokes_set_1.html#kvell

(PS, you goye pole smoking assclowns DO NOT have the right to post things such as this, Coop excepted...but only 'cause he's a right sexy b*stard in a dress. Moreons.)

Mele koliki maka, yo.
 

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Misfit Toy
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more than you've ever wanted to know:

Easter is named after Eastre, a pagan Saxon goddess.

Eastre (earlier, Eostre, derived from the Saxons' Germanic heritage) was the Anglo-Saxon name of a Teutonic goddess of dawn, spring and fertility. Our word, "east" is related to this deity's name. Her male consort was the Sun god, and the sun does rise, after all, at dawn and in the east. Rites of spring were celebrated in her honor at the vernal equinox (first day of spring). The first Sunday after the first full moon succeeding the vernal equinox was also sacred to her, and this pagan holiday was given her name -- Eastre. The full moon represented the "pregnant" phase of Eastre -- she was passing into the fertile season and giving birth to the Sun's offspring.

Eastre's symbols were the hare and the egg. Both represent fertility and, consequently, rebirth. Since rabbits are more common in most lands than hares, over time the rabbit has been substituted -- not without merit, since rabbits are notorious for their fertility. Thus was born the "Easter Rabbit" tradition.
 

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That still don't 'splain how the bunny cr*ps coloured eggs (spelled all Saxon-like in deference to your majesty).

Oh well, whatever. Their ears shoor do taste good.
 

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As they (some) say here, 'Louisville, It 'aint Kentucky' though I'm not too sure about that. So was that you driving one of those busses over head this past Saturday at "Thunder over Louisville"?

Good gawd! 800,000 of Kentucky & S. Indiana's finest lined the banks of the Ohio. Jets, Flags, Beer, Country Music & sky explosions like you have never seen in peace time. Oh & flawless weather.

Job(s) are intense[wife's & mine]. Stunning country roads to ride, though no real hills so I make it up in distance...

Ed is still incommunicado somewhere in S. America I take it & Lousylegs won't reply to my PMs. So I ride alone.

I'm not going to buy some big-azz mower for the stupid size lawn I have here. Man it grows fast! Took off as if a switch was flipped one day in March. Rather pay a local to cut it so I can ride or spend time comforting the spouse & kid from the culture shock & now too distant friends & family.

Folks are very friendly though. Didja know that S.D. County has more people than this here entire State(commonwealth)?

When we do return to our home in SD we will have more than some tale to tell.

hows by you?
 

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Ed's back...just busy. Lots of quality debrief time with BFI, ICA and SNA following his detour in Cooba.

You coulda bought a riding mower. Think about it. Something with headlights. How cool is that? I could have one, but it'd only take .02 seconds to go from one end of my zero lot line yard to the other.

Incidentally, you've missed a helluva non-El Nino rainy season. Not like the NorCal contingient (did you see about the poor dude killed when his house collapsed into a sink hole?), but the rain has been late, steady and heavy. For SD at least. Last I heard, ATP was stripping timber from his craftsman home to build an ark, only he was worried that it wouldn't be grandfathered under Prop 13, and he'd have to pay prop taxes on it.

Intese? Good intense, I hope.

Nope, not me overhead. All I've flown lately is a desk. Boy, that's a f*cking load of fun.

Still, take care and 'splain to the nice folks about the sublime brilliance of fish tacos, carne asada and machaca burritos.

S
 

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sn69 said:
Coop excepted...but only 'cause he's a right sexy b*stard in a dress.
My ex was Jewish, with a nice Eastern European Yiddish family history. I was the leader on Pesach Satre at the table of our B&B in Utah, where we threw the pentultimate Passover feast with homemade Gefilte Fish, real Morror, etc... Heck of an authentic meal. "A" list stuff.

I explored converting to Judaism at one point, and we had a bunch of regular Rabbis that stayed with us who volunteered to counsel and oversee the conversion. They had me reading a lot on Jewish beliefs, culture and history, but no Hebrew...

But my really big Jewish street cred? When we lived in Utah, the Army of Isreal, a neo-nazi skinhead hate group made a lot of noise about taking over the national park, saying Zion was their white birthright, and that in the process of the takeover they'd kill the Jews in town, and federal law enforcement that didn't vow alegiance to Jesus Christ. Being a big 220 pound weight lifting, martial arts street fighting, firearms trainer, I deiced to infiltrate and track the group. I already had the shaved head and could camoflage really well into their Christian Identity, Bo Gritz, Randy Weaver empathetic BS. I ended up passing a ton of private files (silver platter doctrine stuff) onto both the FBI and to the ADL. I was one of a half dozen private citizens tracking these idiots and furnishing the govermnent with files and information they couldn't collect on their own due to freedom of information access of non-crime related information and domestic spying restrictions, but private donations were allowed and could be excluded from FOIA requests. I did this for several year, and furnished info that even went as far as McVeigh and the Michigan Militia...

Alas, life took a left turn and I'm in a diifferent place these days. But I figure all that allows me to make the infrequent Hebrew joke.

And I look damn fine in a dress.
 

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Discussion Starter #16
thinkcooper said:
My ex was Jewish, with a nice Eastern European Yiddish family history. I was the leader on Pesach Satre at the table of our B&B in Utah, where we threw the pentultimate Passover feast with homemade Gefilte Fish, real Morror, etc... Heck of an authentic meal. "A" list stuff.

I explored converting to Judaism at one point, and we had a bunch of regular Rabbis that stayed with us who volunteered to counsel and oversee the conversion. They had me reading a lot on Jewish beliefs, culture and history, but no Hebrew...

But my really big Jewish street cred? When we lived in Utah, the Army of Isreal, a neo-nazi skinhead hate group made a lot of noise about taking over the national park, saying Zion was their white birthright, and that in the process of the takeover they'd kill the Jews in town, and federal law enforcement that didn't vow alegiance to Jesus Christ. Being a big 220 pound weight lifting, martial arts street fighting, firearms trainer, I deiced to infiltrate and track the group. I already had the shaved head and could camoflage really well into their Christian Identity, Bo Gritz, Randy Weaver empathetic BS. I ended up passing a ton of private files (silver platter doctrine stuff) onto both the FBI and to the ADL. I was one of a half dozen private citizens tracking these idiots and furnishing the govermnent with files and information they couldn't collect on their own due to freedom of information access of non-crime related information and domestic spying restrictions, but private donations were allowed and could be excluded from FOIA requests. I did this for several year, and furnished info that even went as far as McVeigh and the Michigan Militia...

Alas, life took a left turn and I'm in a diifferent place these days. But I figure all that allows me to make the infrequent Hebrew joke.

And I look damn fine in a dress.
i love you.
 

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So what does the Yiddish/Hebrew in the joke say Scott? Translate for us goyims. It doesn't appear that you really need to know what it says to get the punchline, but maybe it makes the joke a bit more multi-dimensional?
 

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sn69 said:
That still don't 'splain how the bunny cr*ps coloured eggs (spelled all Saxon-like in deference to your majesty).
cut and paste:

"Dyed eggs were already being used as part of pagan rituals at the dawn of history in the Near Eastern civilizations. These were the first "Easter eggs." As the traditions of the Easter Rabbit and Easter eggs evolved, they were lumped together -- somewhat incongruously. Thus in our modern Easter lore, although the Easter Rabbit is sometimes thought of as laying the Easter eggs so eagerly sought by children, the Easter Rabbit is nonetheless often regarded as male. Since rabbits don't lay eggs anyhow, I suppose quibbling over gender wouldn't make much sense. "

That's about as close an explanation as I can find sir flyboy.
 
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