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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
This is a cut-and-paste job from another message board but thought I'd spread the love.
Poetry sweet poetry.


To all my Italian friends and a few who are not - enjoy!
...and if you're from Brooklyn, New Jursey, Long Eyeland or South Philly, you'll really appreciate this!

E y e - T a l i a n

Why do Italians ! hate Jehovah's Witnesses?
Because Italians hate all witnesses.(Pleese don't whack me for these)

Do you know why most men from Italy are named Tony?
On the boat over to America they put a sticker on them that said - TO NY.

You know you're Italian when . . . . You can bench press 325 pounds,
shave twice a day and still cry when your mother yells at you.

You carry your lunch in a produce bag because you can't fit
two cappicola sandwiches, 4 oranges, 2 bananas and pizzelles
into a regular lunch bag.

Your mechanic, plumber, electrician, accountant,
travel agent and lawyer are all your cousins.

You have at least 5 cousins living in the same town or on the same block..
All five of those cousins are named after your
grandfather or grandmother.

You are on a first name! basis with at least 8 banquet hall owners.

You only get one good shave from a disposable razor.

If someone in your family grows beyond 5' 9",
it is presumed his Mother had an affair.

There were more than 28 people in your bridal party.

You netted more than $50,000 on your first communion.

. . . . . .

And ! you REALLY, REALLY know you're Italian when . .

Your grandfather had a fig tree.

You eat Sunday dinner at 2:00.

Christmas Eve . . . only fish.

Your mom's meatballs are the best.

You've been hit with a wooden spoon or had a shoe thrown at you.

Clear plastic covers on all the furniture.

You know how to pronounce "manicotti" and "mozzarella."

You fight over whether it's called "sauce" or "gravy."

You've called someone a "mamaluke."

And you understand "bada bing".
 

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Resident Dutchbag
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11,864 Posts
lousylegs said:
When someone comes into your house, you ask them: "Howya doin"
Immediately followed by the question if they want something to eat.
 

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BrooklynVelo
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1,426 Posts
Sintesi said:
You know you're Italian when . . . . You can bench press 325 pounds,
shave twice a day and still cry when your mother yells at you.

You carry your lunch in a produce bag because you can't fit
two cappicola sandwiches, 4 oranges, 2 bananas and pizzelles
into a regular lunch bag.

Your mechanic, plumber, electrician, accountant,
travel agent and lawyer are all your cousins.

You have at least 5 cousins living in the same town or on the same block..
All five of those cousins are named after your
grandfather or grandmother.
All true.

Sintesi said:
You are on a first name! basis with at least 8 banquet hall owners.
And funeral home directors.

Sintesi said:
You only get one good shave from a disposable razor.
More like half a shave if any at all. Heck I've broken disposable razors before.

Sintesi said:
If someone in your family grows beyond 5' 9",
it is presumed his Mother had an affair.

There were more than 28 people in your bridal party.

You netted more than $50,000 on your first communion.
True, True, True

More like $10.000. Tradition's nice sometimes.

Sintesi said:
And ! you REALLY, REALLY know you're Italian when . .

Your grandfather had a fig tree.
Yes, and a pink flamingo in the front yard.

Sintesi said:
Your mom's meatballs are the best.
Damn straight.

Sintesi said:
You've been hit with a wooden spoon or had a shoe thrown at you.
Yes and Yes. Although my buddy Anthony had it worse. His mom used to use a spaghetti strainer.

Sintesi said:
Clear plastic covers on all the furniture.
Just at Grandmas.

Sintesi said:
You know how to pronounce "manicotti" and "mozzarella."
And get pissed when people get it wrong. Especially when it's the server at an Italian restaurant.


Sintesi said:
You've called someone a "mamaluke."
or stunad or complained about agita.

Sintesi said:
And you understand "bada bing".
As an Italian (2nd generation thank you very much) born and raised on Long Island and now living in Brooklyn I felt that it was moral obligation to add a few qualifiers in here and there. Nice list overall though.
 

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Not Banned
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49,013 Posts
and ya get pissed off when

waiters mispronounce Bruschetta
 

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Resident Dutchbag
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11,864 Posts
And it's not meatballs, it's polpette.
 

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Banned
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4,302 Posts
Discussion Starter · #8 ·
atpjunkie said:
waiters mispronounce Bruschetta
For the record how does one say Bruschetta? And while we're at it Manicotti and Mozzarella... and lets throw Focaccia in there for the hell of it too. The only Italian I can pronounce correctly is Mario Cippolini and Tony Soprano.

I can make my buddy Sal put his fist through a cubicle wall just by saying the word Trattoria. Apparently I have a very irritating take on Italian.
 

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Not Banned
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49,013 Posts
just remember

Ch in Italian is a K. like Chianti.
 
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