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Grey Manrod
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9,227 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Uuuuugh.

In general, I'm a big believer that business is business - sometimes you have to make unpleasant decisions. You have to make some tough calls, have some difficult conversations, etc., etc. But that's part of being in a leadership role, isn't it? It's not personal, it's just business.....

Apparently, that is not the case for everyone. Some people prefer to stay on the sidelines, watch the wreckage unfold and then leave someone else to clean up the mess.

I'm not going to get into details (no, I didn't lose my job). Suffice to say that I have learned more in the last few weeks about some of the people I work with than I have in the past few years. In a couple of instances, it has been quite disillusioning. I've learned that one of my colleagues is a pretty selfish, shitty person; I used to have a great deal of respect for him. Right now, I wouldn't trust him as far as I could throw him. And there are a couple of others that I'm not too fond of right now, either.

Although all of this has to do with "business," I'm having a hard time not taking it personally. Right now, I'd rather rub sh!t in my hair than be in the same room with some of these people. It's eating me up, and to be honest, has become a huge distraction for me. I have made my feelings known, but that's about all I can do.

So, how do I get past this? I mean, besides drinking heavily and complaining on the internet.....
 

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Captain Obvious
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11,876 Posts
you need to shoot some people in the face before they stab you in the back.
 

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Motorator
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4,166 Posts
Brick Tamland said:
Uuuuugh.

In general, I'm a big believer that business is business - sometimes you have to make unpleasant decisions. You have to make some tough calls, have some difficult conversations, etc., etc. But that's part of being in a leadership role, isn't it? It's not personal, it's just business.....

Apparently, that is not the case for everyone. Some people prefer to stay on the sidelines, watch the wreckage unfold and then leave someone else to clean up the mess.

I'm not going to get into details (no, I didn't lose my job). Suffice to say that I have learned more in the last few weeks about some of the people I work with than I have in the past few years. In a couple of instances, it has been quite disillusioning. I've learned that one of my colleagues is a pretty selfish, shitty person; I used to have a great deal of respect for him. Right now, I wouldn't trust him as far as I could throw him. And there are a couple of others that I'm not too fond of right now, either.

Although all of this has to do with "business," I'm having a hard time not taking it personally. Right now, I'd rather rub sh!t in my hair than be in the same room with some of these people. It's eating me up, and to be honest, has become a huge distraction for me. I have made my feelings known, but that's about all I can do.

So, how do I get past this? I mean, besides drinking heavily and complaining on the internet.....
I'm a self-employed one man show so I don't know if I can be of much assistance. I was however once upon a time working for a big international company in the HQ for their Europe/Africa operations. Hmmm..... maybe that's my answer - get past it by moving on and doing something you want to do, rather than doing something you need to do. Easier said than done, however. But if you can, you'll never look back with regret.
 

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Stumpcake!
Joined
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5,950 Posts
"I see this cutlery in my back is your brand"

Make that your new screensaver, IM personal message and signiture line in Outlook. Although they're either probably too dimwitted to understand the hint or too ambivalent to care.

Sorry guy, sounds like a really sucky situation.
 

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eminence grease
Joined
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18,538 Posts
One of my old managers, a genuine bastage in his own right, used to tell me that every day when he arrived at work he would put on an invisible cloak that allowed him to act any way he thought necessary to get the job done. At the end of the day, the cloak came off and there were no hard feelings.

He was a fricking idiot.

My place has this notion of "constructive confrontation" which at face value should mean that problems get raised and solved in spite of the discomfort they might raise. The net result is that it's an excuse for a-holes to act the way the want and for the honest to be punished by managers holding grudges.

It's all about human nature, and human nature can suck big time.
 

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Grey Manrod
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9,227 Posts
Discussion Starter · #6 ·
terry b said:
It's all about human nature, and human nature can suck big time.
I think you're right about that. The hardest part has been learning that someone who I thought was a genuinely good person, really isn't at all.
 

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Just Plain Bitter
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8,602 Posts
That sounds like a miserable place to be Terry. Hope you work through and are stronger on the other side!
 

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tofurkey hunting
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4,733 Posts
business is business to a degree, but shoot, people still have to look themselves i the mirror. being a sharty person just because it's "business" is still being sharty. i get a sense that there is a general lack of integrity that is condoned through the "not personal" view....i hate that.

i wish i had advice for how to get past it....but i'm still trying to figure out how to deal with the people at work that i don't respect (neither as people nor professionals)
 

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Jerkhard Sirdribbledick
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27,036 Posts
You have me lusting for details. Give us the whole story without naming names? Kthx
 

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Registered
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544 Posts
CYA and do you job with the utmost integrity. If this person perceives you as a threat, then they will have no problem turning on you. Go stealth mode if you can.
 

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Roadies Rejoice
Joined
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975 Posts
Brick Tamland said:
Uuuuugh.

..............I've learned that one of my colleagues is a pretty selfish, shitty person; I used to have a great deal of respect for him... .....
wait, there are a**holes who work at law firms?!
 

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Always changing.....
Joined
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4,523 Posts
ampastoral said:
people still have to look themselves i the mirror. being a sharty person just because it's "business" is still being sharty. i get a sense that there is a general lack of integrity that is condoned through the "not personal" view....i hate that.
I agree. I sleep well at night. But, there are some people I know who I think that how they look at themselves in the mirror or how they sleep at people plays no role in how they behave. They know what what they doing is wrong, I just think they don't care. And at the end of the workday, still want to be that good ol' buddy. Sorry, no thanks.
 

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Windrider (Stubborn)
Joined
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22,021 Posts
Len J. learning # 16...." People show their true natures under stress." If you want to really know someone, watch them in the middle of a ****$torm.

Sounds like that's what happened to you. One thing generating your strong reactions is probably your sense of loss. Losing that person you respected (even if it wasn't real...it was to you) generates all those strong grief feelings starting with anger.

The good news is that now you know who you can count on and for what......the bad news is, there are less people to count on than you thought.

If you can't accept it for what it is and get past it, AND if these people are powerful in your organization, I would recommend you think about moving on.....your resentment will come out at the wrong time.....and you will pay for it.

We want every organization to be made up of good people...unfortunatly, most organizations and management groups include a cross section of the best & worst of us.

Len
 

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Non non normal
Joined
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10,102 Posts
Being a person of integrity and making business decisions with integrity are not mutually exclusive.

However, some people confuse making business decisions for the good of the company (what you are paid to do) with being a bad person (when it has a negative effect on people). The goal is to never steal from your company (make decisions that hurt the company while they are paying you to make good decisions) and to treat employees with kindness, fairness, and respect.
 

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Premium Member
Joined
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10,106 Posts
Well now that you know who you can trust and who you can't, align yourself with the trustworthy ones and get as far away as you can from the nontrustworthy ones -- even if that means eventually going to another firm.

Back in the day, during an earlier recession (1991-1992), when I was a large firm minion, I fell out of favor with a very powerful person in the firm. My best "friend" in the firm, someone with whom I had lunch almost every day, socialized with on weekends, etc., suddenly did not have time to have lunch or socialize. It became clear that he felt that I had something like leprosy and that he would incur the wrath of the powerful if he spent too much time around me. On the other hand, other people who knew the situation and recognized that I was being treated unfairly by Mr. Powerful, stuck their necks out for me. Given the recession, I held onto my job even though I came to realize that I did not have a great deal of affection or respect for certain people with whom I had to work. But, once things began to improve in the economy, I made my move. My only regret is that I did not make it sooner. Working with people that you do not like or respect takes a great toll on you. Mrs. S said that there was a perceptible improvement in my mood that started the day that I left the firm. To this day, I remember the people who were my "friends" and turned their backs on me and I also remember the people who stuck their necks out for me. Although I have not been able to repay in full the people who helped me, I can tell you that whevever one of them has needed something over the years, I have been there to help them.
 

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Shirtcocker
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60,639 Posts
People suck.
 

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Seat's not level
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19,372 Posts
ampastoral said:
people still have to look themselves in the mirror.
No they don't. It would be great if they did, but there are many that do what they want and don't really care what disaster they leave in their wake. In the "it's all about me" world they really don't have any remorse about what pain they cause others.
 

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Premium Member
Joined
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21,910 Posts
Brick Tamland said:
...So, how do I get past this? I mean, besides drinking heavily and complaining on the internet.....
Work ain't life but it is full of people. Suprised it took you so long to figure this out.

How do you get around it. I don't know but I can tell you what I have done over the years.

1) Get a life. No kidding, this is a big deal. Make sure that work isn't the be all and end all for you.

2) Have a long memory and don't forget where the bodies are buried. Revenge is a dish best served cold.

3) Know when to cut your losses. Sometimes it is just time to move on.

3a) Keep that resume current.

4) CYA. Save all them old meeting notes, e-mails and schedules. (This will help with #2 above).

5) Get a second job, preferbly for yourself. It is nice to have options and good for your peace of mind.

6) Use all those sterling examples of the worst of us as motovation to not be that kind of person.

7) Don't confuse work with life.

8) Read Dilbert!
 

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Shirtcocker
Joined
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60,639 Posts
Chain said:
No they don't. It would be great if they did, but there are many that do what they want and don't really care what disaster they leave in their wake. In the "it's all about me" world they really don't have any remorse about what pain they cause others.
Yup...personally, I have to be able to look myself in the mirror, but there are those who don't seem to have this hangup. You just have to say "some people suck" and move on or it'll drive you crazy trying to figure it out.
 
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