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Which steak would you order??

  • Scenario 1

    Votes: 6 10.5%
  • Scenario 2

    Votes: 35 61.4%
  • Beef is crack, no sir not me

    Votes: 6 10.5%
  • I eat people you moron

    Votes: 10 17.5%
1 - 20 of 79 Posts

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Burning Fists of Love
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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
2 scenarios in which you order a steak to eat.

SCENARIO ONE:

Its a chain restaurant (NOT CODE), your get a sirloin, its cooked just above medium, its over spiced and if you were blind folded it would be a miracle to determine that the meat you are eating is beef, OR is it a dead homeless person they found and mummified? The wine is flat you would swer a urinary tract infection test was dropped in the vat. HINT: I DO NOT DO SCENARIO ONE MMMMKAY??

SCENARIO TWO:

Your grill or a smaller restaurant that does nothing but make steaks. It is made EXACTLY to your desired expectation of doneness. The initial taste causes a near orgasmic sesation in the loins, the mouth waters, a small yet whispy white froth builds on the back of your knees. Every bodily part plumps with blood and every sensation is magnified several fold. You then choose a beverage with the steak. Its a great wine, a wine that makes you think, a zen state of pure color and near euphoria clouds the mind. EVERY TASTE RECEPTOR INVOLVED WANTS TO MARRY YOU AND HAVE MAD SQUIRREL PASSION with you. Not later, oh no sister, its NOW. The passion is so intense, it wants to make babies, birth the babies, put the babies back in and birth them again....


By now you may have guesed, I am a SCENARIO TWO man and yes, I LOVE STEAK.
 

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Steaming piles of opinion
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10,503 Posts
My body understands that I'm supposed to like it. but my brain prefers feather, fin, and root.

My paradox: Not many preparations of tofu can adequately support a solid cab.
 

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Steaming piles of opinion
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10,503 Posts
A from Il said:
A good steak and a Sam Adams.........

Almost better than se???
Do I dare say it?
Not if you are doing it right.



SA is great stuff, but it's not up to the task of a really good steak. Perhaps a solid corned beef on rye.
 

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Burning Fists of Love
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6,899 Posts
Discussion Starter · #5 ·
agreed

danl1 said:
Not if you are doing it right.



SA is great stuff, but it's not up to the task of a really good steak. Perhaps a solid corned beef on rye.
In this specific instance, I do agree. However, I have only experienced a scenario 2 steak twice in 41 years.
 

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waterproof*
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41,611 Posts
Outside magazine this month had a fun article on searching for the best steak in Argentina. Everybody knows Argentinians make the best steaks.
 

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2 busy workin' 2 hang out
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12,638 Posts
ttug said:
2 scenarios in which you order a steak to eat.

SCENARIO ONE:

Its a chain restaurant (NOT CODE), your get a sirloin, its cooked just above medium, its over spiced and if you were blind folded it would be a miracle to determine that the meat you are eating is beef, OR is it a dead homeless person they found and mummified? The wine is flat you would swer a urinary tract infection test was dropped in the vat. HINT: I DO NOT DO SCENARIO ONE MMMMKAY??

SCENARIO TWO:

Your grill or a smaller restaurant that does nothing but make steaks. It is made EXACTLY to your desired expectation of doneness. The initial taste causes a near orgasmic sesation in the loins, the mouth waters, a small yet whispy white froth builds on the back of your knees. Every bodily part plumps with blood and every sensation is magnified several fold. You then choose a beverage with the steak. Its a great wine, a wine that makes you think, a zen state of pure color and near euphoria clouds the mind. EVERY TASTE RECEPTOR INVOLVED WANTS TO MARRY YOU AND HAVE MAD SQUIRREL PASSION with you. Not later, oh no sister, its NOW. The passion is so intense, it wants to make babies, birth the babies, put the babies back in and birth them again....


By now you may have guesed, I am a SCENARIO TWO man and yes, I LOVE STEAK.
I'm not a big steak guy but your passion is on the right side. Chains suck.
 

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Glue Sniffer
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4,598 Posts
Henry Porter said:
Chains suck.
???



(I just received an urgant telegraph from the CAPS LOCK POLICE, who are apparently way behind the times. They say given your @ssgasmic response to steak, and the fact that the caps-lockin-and-poppin seems to be isolated to your meat (k0d3), you may continue to abuse the caps lock on the topic of not abusing your meat.)
 

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Pedal Master
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2,511 Posts
I'd take option #2 unless the joint was offering an all you can eat catfish buffet...nothing evokes the orgasmic sensations you noted like catfish...whiskers, fins, what else can I say? Catfish are hot...smokin' hot.
 

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jaded bitter joy crusher
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19,723 Posts
ttug said:
Your grill or a smaller restaurant that does nothing but make steaks. It is made EXACTLY to your desired expectation of doneness. The initial taste causes a near orgasmic sesation in the loins, the mouth waters, a small yet whispy white froth builds on the back of your knees. Every bodily part plumps with blood and every sensation is magnified several fold. You then choose a beverage with the steak. Its a great wine, a wine that makes you think, a zen state of pure color and near euphoria clouds the mind. EVERY TASTE RECEPTOR INVOLVED WANTS TO MARRY YOU AND HAVE MAD SQUIRREL PASSION with you. Not later, oh no sister, its NOW. The passion is so intense, it wants to make babies, birth the babies, put the babies back in and birth them again....
Now would you care to tell me your thoughts about liver, Mr. Portnoy?
 

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Palm trees & sunshine!
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24,200 Posts
ttug said:
In this specific instance, I do agree. However, I have only experienced a scenario 2 steak twice in 41 years.

Pretty much the same here. Amazingly enough, the most recent one was in the last place I would ever, EVER have suspected: a chain steakhouse in Augusta, ME. It's been over a year and I still think about that ribeye.
 

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Burning Fists of Love
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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
thats a tough one

Fredke said:
Now would you care to tell me your thoughts about liver, Mr. Portnoy?
Liver can be done very nicely, and IMO, its a skill set to do do it right.

Look at it this way, some people have all day to play with their meat, others dont. A good liver serving requires lots of meat playing time. Yeah, I know, the code folks are getting their towles right now........
 

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Burning Fists of Love
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Discussion Starter · #18 ·
good one

real stonie said:
I'd take option #2 unless the joint was offering an all you can eat catfish buffet...nothing evokes the orgasmic sensations you noted like catfish...whiskers, fins, what else can I say? Catfish are hot...smokin' hot.
I am a sucker for a chili slaw dog. I had a local record for those, 21 at a single sitting with beer chasers. I got beat by a shut in some months later.....
 

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Burning Fists of Love
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6,899 Posts
Discussion Starter · #20 ·
yup

weltyed said:
just don't let uzzie near your meat.
Total agreement here.

I used to help slaughter cows. My uncle and I would do it and after a while some folks would just get annoying, asking question about curing meat, aging it etc etc. One day, he made me wear his trench coat. He gave me a severed cows leg and whn the kladies came by and asked about the young boy slaughtering cows, I extended my hand to shake, it was really the cows leg tucked up my sleeve. MAN OH MAN, I wish I had a camera for those faces.

I even got sent home from grade school because of steak. We went to a petting farm (IN NO WAY SHAPE OR FORM IS THAT CODE YOU SICKIE BASTARDS) and I told the guide that the cow I saw could be a good cut of meat. My uncle was so very proud.
 
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