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Windrider (Stubborn)
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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
when you have Jack Bauer!

When he shot that guys wife in the leg........it doesn't get tougher than that.

I love that show.

Len
 

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wut?
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14,590 Posts
Len J said:
when you have Jack Bauer!

When he shot that guys wife in the leg........it doesn't get tougher than that.

I love that show.

Len
Dude, shut up. YOU need Chuck Norris for getting roundhouse kicked in the gut.

Chuck Norris wears a live rattlesnake as a condom.
 

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Ti me up
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Len J said:
when you have Jack Bauer!

When he shot that guys wife in the leg........it doesn't get tougher than that.

I love that show.

Len
My wife is addicted to 24. I watched the first season when it came out on DVD, but got Jack Bauer fatigue pretty quickly after one season.

But Chuck Norris - wow! He's an author now! I recently picked up Chuck's new fiction effort for airline fodder, figuring it was probably 90% done by his co-authors. But much to my surprise, it had every bit the literary depth you would expect from a novel actually written by Chuck Norris. Makes Tom Clancy's Op Center look like Dostoevsky.
 

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wut?
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lousylegs said:
Chuck Norris doesn't read books, he looks at the cover and knows the whole story already.
The true author of The Tale of Two Cities was Chuck Norris. He wrote it in two days while consuming nothing but dry gin and typing with his toes.
 

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Windrider (Stubborn)
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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.

If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a
gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice.

If you wake up in the morning, it's because Jack Bauer spared your life.

Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.

If it tastes like chicken, looks like chicken, and feels like chicken, but Jack Bauer says its beef. Then you better believe it's beef.

Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.

1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.

Let's get one thing straight: the only reason you are conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you.

Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.

Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer hates lemonade.

Jack Bauer once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.

Osama bin Laden's recent proposal for truce is a direct result of him finding out that Jack Bauer is, in fact, still alive.

Jack Bauer is the leading cause of death in Middle Eastern men.

Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.

When Jack Bauer was a child, he made his mother finish his vegetables.

Jack Bauer killed 93 people in just 4 days time. Wait, that is a real fact.

Simon Says should be renamed to Jack Bauer Says because if Jack Bauer says something then you better do it.

Jack Bauer won the Tour de France on a unicycle to prove to Lance Armstrong it wasn't a big deal. He thinks yellow wristbands are gay.

When Jack Bauer pissses into the wind, the wind changes direction.

Jack Bauer's favorite color is severe terror alert red.
His second favorite color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent.

When you open a can of whoop-***, Jack Bauer jumps out.

When Google can't find something, it asks Jack Bauer for help.

You can lead a horse to water. Jack Bauer can make him drink.

Jack Bauer can get McDonald's breakfast after 10:30.

When the boogie man goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Jack Bauer.

Every mathematical inequality officially ends with "< Jack Bauer".

In 96 hours, Jack Bauer has killed 93 people and saved the world 4 times. What the hell have you done with your life?

Jack Bauer killed so many terrorists that at one point, the #5 CIA Most Wanted fugitive was an 18-year-old teenager in Malaysia who downloaded the movie Dodgeball.

In kindergarten, Jack Bauer killed a terrorist for Show and Tell.

What color is Jack Bauer's blood? Trick question. Jack Bauer does not bleed.

Guns dont kill people, Jack Bauer kills people.

If Jack and MacGyver were locked in a room together, Jack would make a bomb out of MacGyver and get out.

People with amnesia still remember Jack Bauer.

Sun Tzu once wrote, "If your enemy is weaker, conquer him. If he is stronger, join him. If he is Jack Bauer, you're f***ing dead."

Jack Bauer literally died for his country, and lived to tell about it.

Jack Bauer has been to Mars. That's why there's no life on Mars.

Superman's only weakness is Kryptonite. Jack Bauer laughs at Superman for having a weakness.

When Batman is in trouble, he turns on the Jack Bauer signal.

It took Jack Bauer two minutes to beat a confession out of OJ.

If Jack Bauer was gay, his name would be Chuck Norris.

Jack Bauer was conceived by torturing the other sperm until they gave up the location of the egg.

After 7 minutes of interrogation at the hands of Jack Bauer, Tom Cruise admitted that he was gay.

Jack Bauer's family threw him a surprise birthday party when he was a child. Once.
 

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Scotty2Hotty said:
The true author of The Tale of Two Cities was Chuck Norris. He wrote it in two days while consuming nothing but dry gin and typing with his toes.
Don't forget that he wrote the Tale of Gilgamesh also.
 

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wut?
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Jack Bauer tried to use his detailed knowledge of torture techniques, but to no avail: Chuck Norris thrives on pain. Chuck Norris then ripped off Jack Bauer's arm and beat him to death with it.
 

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A Canadian in Sweden
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Len J said:
when you have Jack Bauer!

When he shot that guys wife in the leg........it doesn't get tougher than that.

I love that show.

Len
Len,
I really love 24. But we're about one season behind North America. The last series had him saving the US from a huge missile and him leaving at the end a disgraced hero because someone fromt he Chinese embassy had been killed in the line of fire. Jack Bauer, James Bond, Rambo - they'll all live to fight another villain.
Cheers, Wayne
 

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Palm trees & sunshine!
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Len J said:
When he shot that guys wife in the leg........it doesn't get tougher than that.
Sure it does.... he could have shot her in the head.
 

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wayneanneli said:
Jack Bauer, James Bond, Rambo - they'll all live to fight another villain.
Cheers, Wayne
Youre comparing Bond to Bauer ??? As a Brit I love Mr Bond don't get me wrong, but thats like comparing a Hummer with a Smart car, a poison tipped death star with a plastic knife you get from Wendy's, a freshly castrated 800lb Gorilla with a Hampster, correction a dead hampster.

Come on Man - Jack has no equal - he uses Chuck's skull to store his spent rounds in. Not many rounds I admit, cuz Jack DOES NOT MISS...
 

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Misfit Toy
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Add Jack Bauer to my list of crackers in bed boys..........
 

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this is chuck norris blasphemy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
you're not here because of god, because of evolution or beause of your mommy and daddy. you're here because chuck norris hasn't made the time to destroy you yet. but don't push your luck....
 
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