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Off the back
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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
My favorite time of the year. As a manager, giving performance reviews suck. And I cannot stand receiving them. Oh, I hate this time of the year.

To top it off, my position requires reviewing the associated rate increases. Then my ensuing angst seeing all the asshat butt-kissers with big raises, while the talented employees who stick their necks out for the company get zilch. I never understand this.

Please help me get through it. :p
 

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Crusty AF
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Step 1. Make list of names in Excel.
Step 2. In adjacent column, use =randbetween(0,n) where n is your max rate increase in decimal.
Step 3. PROFIT!

This way, there's no unfair human element to the rate increases! Fire anyone who gets a 0.
 

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Non non normal
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My favorite time of the year. As a manager, giving performance reviews suck. And I cannot stand receiving them. Oh, I hate this time of the year.

To top it off, my position requires reviewing the associated rate increases. Then my ensuing angst seeing all the asshat butt-kissers with big raises, while the talented employees who stick their necks out for the company get zilch. I never understand this.

Please help me get through it. :p
You are paid to rate the employees. Make sure the good ones get rewarded and the butt kissers don't.
 

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Please help me get through it
I was promoted pretty young and was managing 200 tradespeople in my early thirties in a non-union shop.

I hired. I fired. I gave raises big and small.

I made some sad. some happy. some just ok. I tried to be fair.

I consoled myself with the thought that it all evened out.
 

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δanned
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Reviews here are a joke. All employees are forced onto a bell curve, which is why our attrition rate is high.
 

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Master debator.
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We are reviewed on our anniversary date, it avoids mass quantities all at once. I have never seen a single review, I always get a decent raise and I never ask. No one where I work really knows what everybody else makes, salaried at least, but we often wonder.
 

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We are reviewed on our anniversary date, it avoids mass quantities all at once.
Our's were done all at once, a pain. At my last employer, 90% of the people who reported to me did not speak any English. I could evaluate performance, but it was time consuming and frustrating to work through an interpreter. I never knew if the interpreter was telling them what I meant. I'm retired now, missed the last round of reviews, and didn't miss them at all.
 

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Every time, I think about the scene in Shawshank Redemption, where Red goes in front of the parole board.

Rehabilitated? Well, now, let me see. You know, I don't have any idea what that means......I know what you think it means, sonny. To me, it's just a made up word, a politician's word, so that young fellas like yourself can wear a suit and a tie and have a job. What do you really wanna know?

It's just a bullshit word. So you go on and stamp your form, sonny, and stop wasting my time. Because to tell you the truth, I don't give a ****.
 

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Make America grope again
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Watch Office Space, repeatedly. Promote anyone who cleans a fish during their performance evaluation.
 

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Satanic Watch Winder
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Tell them, based on the profit sharing policy, they each owe the company $126.91 due immediately.
 
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My company has the best performance eval program ever. :rolleyes:
There are 3 classifications, unsatisfactory, satisfactory, and exceptional.
To get an "Exceptional" your direct supervisor has to justify it, so guess what...In 18 years I have yet to see "Exceptional".
 

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I find our process beneficial. The key to ours is a "360" process where a number of peers and coworkers are asked for feedback on the job we do. It is done in a professional way. It lets the owners know what others within the firm think of our performance. It is pretty rare that someone puts something down that is completely inaccurate.

I was told I could be faster responding to e-mails. Yep, it's a fact and something I will work on. Better to be told and reminded than to let it slide.
 

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our gubmint performance reviews are a giant joke.

each staff member is required to prepare their own review documenting core responsibilities met (the 'bean count') and details other efforts not specifically referenced in their job description.

once completed, it's sent to up the chain for several different levels of mgt review. weeks later, it's sent down to your immediate supervisor who reads the review (that you wrote!) back to you. each core category is rated as needs improvement / meets expectations / exceeds expectations.

but, it's common knowledge that virtually no one ever receives more than or less than ONE 'exceeds.'

you simply wait your turn and approx. every 3 yrs you get a pittance of a merit raise and, assuming you haven't murdered anyone on state property with multiple eyewitnesses, every 5-7 years you get a promotion. once you get to the top of your 'career ladder' and further promotions are no longer an option, you're only eligible for a one-time 'bonus' (a good one would be ~$1500).

we were recently addressed by one of the agency commissioners who informed us that raises for staff would be tighter than usual this fiscal year...monies for salary adjustments were going to be largely reserved for senior managers to create a 'wage gap' that the legislature would have to address in the next funding session.

unbelievable...
 

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I find our process beneficial. The key to ours is a "360" process where a number of peers and coworkers are asked for feedback on the job we do. It is done in a professional way. It lets the owners know what others within the firm think of our performance. It is pretty rare that someone puts something down that is completely inaccurate.

I was told I could be faster responding to e-mails. Yep, it's a fact and something I will work on. Better to be told and reminded than to let it slide.

When we changed systems from a supervisory chain doing appraisals to a wider panel reviewing ratings it changed people's behaviour. No longer could the suckups just make their boss happy and everyone else miserable. 360s are accurate and encourage team behaviour.
 

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Seat's not level
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My company has the best performance eval program ever. :rolleyes:
There are 3 classifications, unsatisfactory, satisfactory, and exceptional.
To get an "Exceptional" your direct supervisor has to justify it, so guess what...In 18 years I have yet to see "Exceptional".
I hit the 'walks on water' rating this year somehow. Also got the biggest raise I have recevied in 10-12 years.

I think it has more to do with a boss that doesnt' micro manage, just wants results and trust. It's good to have a good boss. New boss is pretty good and easy to work for.

A few years ago I was working for a micro managing bully that didn't work out too well. His main goal was to keep a journal of any mistake anyone made and hold it against them.
 

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Ox- I'm surprised you see ANY sort of raise working for the gov't.

A few years ago I was working for a micro managing bully that didn't work out too well. His main goal was to keep a journal of any mistake anyone made and hold it against them.

Great, now I'm having flashbacks!! I made a typo a couple of years ago that you'd think was responsible for bringing down the entire company. It was brought up in every meeting, I kept getting emails about it, heard snide remarks made about it, my work was scrutinized after it, got a bad review because of it..........

Luckily we have since acquired a great manager that doesn't get caught up in stupidity. She defends her team with enthusiasm. :thumbsup:
 

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There are few things I miss about being a manager -- performance reviews are at the top of the list. The Federal Govt is such a joke at this. When I first started the job, it was pass/fail which was awesome. Everyone passed and the good ones got a bonus. No one knew what anyone else got, so no one was pissed about it. I had employees who were happy to get a pass with no bonus. Then it changed, for the worse, as always. There were now five elements, with 2-3 sub-elements. Each sub-element got a numerical score of 0-3. The points got summed up and you magically found out if someone was superior, exceeds, meets, or is below expectations. Except you couldn't hand out superior ratings without permission, which was very rare. I'd do them, and then my boss had to approve them. Then I'd have to argue with here about Smith getting an exceeds.

The worst part was handing them to an employee and getting asked 'how come I got a 2 on this sub-element'? The answer was, 'if I gave you a 3 on all of them, then you'd be superior, and I'm not allowed to give you that rating.'
 

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Crusty AF
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There are few things I miss about being a manager -- performance reviews are at the top of the list. The Federal Govt is such a joke at this. When I first started the job, it was pass/fail which was awesome. Everyone passed and the good ones got a bonus. No one knew what anyone else got, so no one was pissed about it. I had employees who were happy to get a pass with no bonus. Then it changed, for the worse, as always. There were now five elements, with 2-3 sub-elements. Each sub-element got a numerical score of 0-3. The points got summed up and you magically found out if someone was superior, exceeds, meets, or is below expectations. Except you couldn't hand out superior ratings without permission, which was very rare. I'd do them, and then my boss had to approve them. Then I'd have to argue with here about Smith getting an exceeds.

The worst part was handing them to an employee and getting asked 'how come I got a 2 on this sub-element'? The answer was, 'if I gave you a 3 on all of them, then you'd be superior, and I'm not allowed to give you that rating.'
In today's day and age, this system is just begging for someone to bring their helicopter mom into the conversation.
 
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